Author Archives: theffkid

About theffkid

I've always wanted a blog. Now I have one.

Day 2

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Today I’ve been pretty sick… sick enough to not even go to the FSU game (which if you read a couple blogs back that’s a pretty big deal.) For a lot of us, the days we are sick, unless it involves the  stomach, it’s really easy to postpone all diets and pig out to feel better. I tried to avoid doing that by pigging out on watermelon and a bowl of Kix. Let’s do this…

Breakfast:

I kept it simple since I woke up at noon.

Emerald Trail Mix Berry Blend: 3 points These things are great to buy for snacks or breakfast on the go because they fill you up pretty well.

Banana: 2 points We all know how awesome they are

A Glass of Orange Juice: 2 points

Lunch:

With all good sick days, you have to have chicken noodle soup so I cut up some leftover chicken from last night and put it in some Lipton’s. I also added a little Trappy’s Pepper Sauce to add a little heat.

Leftover Chicken: 5 points

Lipton’s Noodle Soup: 3.5 points

Watermelon: 2 points

Dinner:

Arriba! (Yes I’m that lame.)

Megan once again utilized her awesome WW cookbook and she made tacos with this home made salsa that could have been a tomato-cilantro-onion salad. They were amazing.

[This is where a delicious picture should be but it wouldn’t upload #Fail]

3 Tacos: 10 points

Watermelon: 2 points

I’m not counting the brazillion cups of chamomile and water but they are both no points. (Also a ton of Kleenex but that’s gross and I didn’t eat them.)

The Total [Insert Drumroll] Today I used 35.5 points which is 1.5 over (shame shame) but like what I was talking about yesterday, you have 35 flex points and I only used 2.5 of them this week. Legit.

So tomorrow… is Sunday, but you already knew that. We started on a Sunday so tomorrow the flex points reset and we are also WEIGHING IN!!!!! We are going to weigh in the morning and I’ll let you know how I did this week. I think I did pretty well this week so I hope the scale will be gentle. See ya tomorrow.


Day 1

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Breakfast:
Butterball Turkey Bacon: 2 slices- 1 point
(Only 50 calories and 3 grams of fat for 2 slices!!!)

Fresh Market Cage Free Eggs: 2 eggs- 5 points
I made scrambled eggs and instead of milk I added 2 tbsp. of Fat Free Half and Half which is only a point which you can do with out, its worth it for fluffy eggs.

Pepperidge Farm Ancient Grains bread: 1 slice- 2 points
Bread is usually high, but you need the fiber so it’s a necessary evil.

Lunch:

For lunch I had my new favorite microwavable meals: Amy’s Cheese Tamale Verde: 9 points. It’s a lot of points but it was so worth it because not only was it filling, but I don’t feel gross I I had spent those 9 points on something greasy.

I added some salsa, which is no points (you heard me right! Salsa in moderation is a freebie!) and then a slice of watermelon which was only 2 points. Not bad for a sweet, refreshing dessert!

<—- In answer to your question, yes, it was as amazing as it looked.

Snack: Orange Juice: 3 points (Worth it because I’m fighting off a cold.)

Dinner:

Fried chicken and mash potatoes. Yes, you heard me right. Megan has an awesome WW cookbook and one of the best recipes is the corn flake crusted baked chicken. The mash potatoes didn’t have any butter, but a very small amount of light sour cream and an even smaller amount of non-fat cream cheese. So here is the point breakdown:

Chicken: 7 points

Potatoes: 4 points

A light cheese biscuit: 3 points

Daily Total: 35

I was only a point over today but its okay because you 35 flex points that you can use through out the week and I haven’t used any yet this week. Overall, I ate really well today and I’m on a diet! See you tomorrow.

Trying to Shed the Fat Off the Fotographing Fat Kid

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So it seems like for majority of my life I have been “The Fat Kid.” The proverbial punching bag for the insecure who had issues so they would take it out on me by making fun of my flab. From elementary to about 7th grade, I was made fun of at least once a day for being fat, the rest was for just being awkward. Eventually I learned that if you were just nice to people it would go a long way; and if you could make them laugh they would be too busy thinking you were so awesome that they would forget to insult you so that’s what I tried to do and it worked. When I was a Freshman in High School, I came to this realization that were two kinds of fat guys: the ones who were depressed about being big and the ones who didn’t care and wouldn’t let their waist size determine their attitude; so I went with the latter and it was the best decision I have ever made.

Let’s fast forward to 2010 shall we. Earlier this year Megan and I decided we were going to run the Mayor’s 5k in Abilene on Megan’s birthday, April 10th. To prepare for that we did a 12 week training through Nike+. You would run 3-5 times a week and the shortest distance was 2 miles and the longest was 7. I had it so when I would run, it would send the information to Facebook and it would say something “Nathan ran 4 miles at the pace 12:30/mile.” The general response was positive except for a few put downs, one of which linked my running to the earthquake in Haiti. After that I started to notice this odd negative response to a fat person working out trying to better themselves. In Abilene we would work out at this Anytime Fitness that was right next to this amazing Mexican Restaurant which was torture because you could smell its amazingness at the gym. Anywho, the treadmills faced this window by the sidewalk to the stripmall it was in so a lot of people walked by to go to the restaurant.  There were a ton of times that people would look in see me running on the treadmill and just give me this “Look at this fat idiot!” and then they would walk away. I feel like some people think it’s ridiculous for obese people to even try to work out and they feel sorry for them. Why would you ever put down someone who was obviously trying to get in shape? It’s so wrong!!!

Whew, okay the last two paragraphs were cathartic and were not intended for you to pity me, just for you to understand a little more about me. They were also things I needed to say pseudo out loud (are things you say on the Internet “Out loud?” Anyways…)

Now to the artery-clogged heart of this blog. Megan and I are taking the first steps to try to be healthier and ultimately thinner people. We have been fighting this healthy fight for about a year now and it has had it’s ups and downs. Abilene didn’t have really any healthy eateries (ala Little Panda and Pizza House) so it was hard to eat out so we started to eat at home a lot more which was great, but as moving day  grew closer, the convenience  of eating out usually won. Then when we moved to Tallahassee, there were hundreds of new restaurants that we had to try out so that temptation has continually won. Now that we have our lives a little more in order, we are on a new mission to undo all the indulging damage we have done to ourselves since July (and in my case, undoing the damage since… birth.)

So here’s the deal, Megan and I have started Weight Watchers sans the meetings because you have to pay for them. Thanks to the internet, anything you need to know about WW is online which is so legit. For those who don’t know, the way WW works is you have an assigned points that you are allowed to eat per day and it’s based on how much you weigh, I have 34 points a day. Everything you eat has a certain amount of points and it’s calculated by calories, fat and fiber amount so you calculate it with a points calculator like this http://ow.ly/2FBjd and then you have to weigh cost of whether it’s worth eating it… which sucks at first but then it eventually changes how you look at food. For example, tonight we went to Chick-fil-a and we each had an 8 piece nugget (6 points) and then shared a large fry (5 points each) and a Coke Zero (0 points). Now 11 points isn’t bad for eating out, but we kept it manageable by being smart about the little things like the sauce. I had BBQ (1 point a packet) and Megan had Honey Mustard (1 point a packet) but usually Megan gets 2 packets of Chick-fil-a sauce which has 110 calories and a whopping 13 grams of fat for one small packet. One packet has more fat than the 8 piece nuggets which is just bonkers!!! I used to think making switches like that were sacrifices but now I look at them as being smart and that that’s 13 grams of fat I won’t have to lose at the gym.

So here’s the real deal (I promise I won’t be this long winded everyday because I would develop carpal tunnel.) Starting tomorrow, I am going to post what I’ve eaten, how many points I used, how much I’ve exercised and any tips I have learned that day so I can help you out there who want to lose weight. I have been on diets before and they always fizzle out around the 6th week. I think that blogging something this personal will hold me accountable which is what I need.

What I need from you: I need your support, not just on here but everywhere. If we are out at lunch and I’m reaching for the fried pizza or the chocolate covered porkrinds, ask me if it’s worth it. It might sound harsh, but it’s what I need for this thing to work. Hopefully in turn it might help you look at food a different way as well. Also I’m asking for your prayers. This is something that is a struggle for me and I know that through God, anything is possible even me kicking this food addiction.

So thanks for listening, if you read this whole thing, you’re legit. See you tomorrow.

[insert Tomahawk Chop here]

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The year was 2004. Bush was in office, I still lived at home, and the “Awkward Nathan” stage of my life was quickly coming to a close. During Christmas break that year, my family and I drove the exhausting 17 hour to Walt Disney World from Hillsboro, Texas. The trip was amazing. As I recall the lines at Disney were short and the weather was in the 60’s which was just swell. Anyways, on the way there we stopped in Tallahassee, Florida to see my childhood mecca: Doak Campbell Stadium. You see growing up, I had always dreamed of going to either Florida State or Michigan but after I stood under the statue of Renegade outside this glorious brick monument to the institution of the gridiron, I knew that one day I would come back as a Seminole.

As most of you know, I ended up going to Abilene Christian University for my undergraduate, but I still knew that one way or another I would eventually end up in Tallahassee. I now know that I ended up at ACU so I could meet my awesome wife Megan. I knew it was true love when one day we were talking in the computer lab in the WPAC and she was talking about the different options she had for grad school. She said “One of the best music schools is actually Florida State.” I could feel the grin on my face grow disgustingly to Joker proportions thinking “Okay, I already knew I loved this girl, but now it’s providential.” After hours of prayer and asking God why certain doors weren’t opening, Megan found out she got in to the FSU School of Music.

After she got in I started looking for a PR job in Tallahassee (you know… my major) and nothing was working out. I knew I was particularly in trouble when I called about a pretty low paying menial and they said I was one of 76 applicants. Then one night Megan turned to me and said “I think this is a sign for you to apply to grad school.” The next day I bought a GRE book and started the application process. I found out last week that I got in to the graduate program as a non-degree student which means I’ll take classes this semester and if my GPA is acceptable I’ll be able to be in the program as a full-time student.  I know this might not be ideal, but I regardless I am super stoked to be here. I know that God put us here for a reason and I am stoked to watch his plan unfold for us.

I say all that to say this: for so long I really didn’t think that my dream of going to Florida State would ever become possible. I had honestly come to terms that that dream wouldn’t ever happen. During that time I had applied for a lot of different jobs in all over the country, thinking that this or that job was the end all be all of jobs. Every time I didn’t get it I would get really frustrated, thinking that my career life was over. Now I know that these closed doors were just leading to the eventual (and the most awesome) open door. So just remember, there is an open door out there, it just might take you a while to find it.

Oh yeah, I know the last time I posted something was 11 months ago. I’ll be sure to work on that.

Thanks to “iEverything” I can’t stand the way the letter I looks capitalized. Is that weird? But that’s for another blog another time…

Dr. Baddriving: How I Learned to Hate the Two Lane Turn

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Abilene drivers… suck. I guess I could just call it good right there, but I love the sound of my voice in my head.

Before I really get in to it, when I suggested this blog idea to some of my friends, one of them said “College Station drivers are the worst.” Although I would have to agree that Dallas drivers are terrible, Houston drivers are terrible, Austin drivers are terrible and San Antonio drivers are terrible; Abilene has there own special breed of illiterate motorists. The healthy mix of octogenarians and college students who just got their freedom is like combining vinegar and hydrogen peroxide with the same result: a nasty accident that pisses off you mother.

To me Abilene, for a town that is definitely in favor of creationism, needs to realize that they have Social Darwinism at work on the Winters Freeway. You have these younger drivers that are so bored with Abilene, they feel the need to re-create scenes of The Fast and The Furious amongst the gargantuan F-350s. I have sad news for you townie: it wasn’t cool when Vin Diesel did it and just because you put a Nos sticker on your ’94 Taurus doesn’t magically give it extra juice. You also have people in their Lincoln Towncars that are so closed minded that they are even against the invention of the turn signal so they just weave in and out of traffic, scaring the tar out of anyone within 5 car links around them.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love people of all age demographics in Abilene, however sometimes you just wonder where they learned some of these unwritten rules of driving. (The Driving Code of the Prairie perhaps?) Like I’ll be going down the street and I go through a green light which, last time I checked, was still kosher according the to the National Transportation Safety Board; but sometimes there are people who slow down at a green light. WHY!!!!!! Even if it turns yellow, you will still have enough time to get through it. I’ve never seen a cop pull someone for running a yellow (come to think of it, I haven’t seen anyone pulled for running a red. Knock on wood.)

You also have people, when stopped at a red light, sit and wait a good 10-15 seconds to actually go when it turns green. Didn’t everyone play red light/green light when they were kids? Green means go and red means stop. I guess when we played that when we were little we weren’t on our iPhones or yelling at the kids behind us, well if you had Turrets as a child the latter applies to you. But anyways, if your general driving reaction time is 10-15 seconds then I don’t want to be behind you because if I have to make a sudden stop then you would be 10-15 seconds up my bumper.

At this point you are probably thinking that I couldn’t gripe anymore about traffic, but if you have ever been in my car you know that I’m not even close to being done. Heck, I haven’t even covered the two lane turn yet. One other thing is the turning lane, especially on Judge Ely Blvd. It’s really used on Ely because of Sonic so when it’s Happy Hour, the idiots come out of the woodwork. One time I was driving down Ely and I went to turn into the designated turning lane like a good driver and all of the sudden a white car comes blitzin’ from behind, nearly demolishing my then new car. Abilene, I hate to tell you that you’re not hip enough to have a H.O.V. lane. This isn’t Dallas for crying out loud. That’s not what it’s there for.

When I lived Abilene when I was in elementary, I have some great memories and some bad memories; but the dominating memory is listening to my Dad complain about people who made two lane turns. I used to think that he must have been overreacting but during that first week of college when I almost got T-Boned via a two lane turn, I knew it was no hyperbole. It seems like people know when you don’t want them to two lane turn like if you are going down the road and they turn correctly right in front of you and insist on going 15 instead of the posted 40. They will correctly turn then of course but if you are there are two turning lanes lanes and you are in the right and they are in the left, they will feel the need to try to cut you off. Make up your minds people! This is you opportunity to be a good driver simply by turning correctly. To quote Captain Planet “The power is yours!” but like pollution, we have the power but still dump toxic waste into lakes.

I know that people probably think that I have been too harsh on Abilene drivers, but the fact of the matter is that this is a challenge for them to not suck as much at driving. Recently, the City of Abilene made a challenge to their drivers called “No Wreck Wednesday.” It lasted a total of 6 hours when a lady flipped her Explorer in an one car accident that morning. For a town this size it’s pretty sad how many accidents there are. I’m sure the way some of these people drive was acceptable in the ’70s when every car had as much metal as a tank. I’m sure back then driving in Abilene was like one big demolition derby. Unfortunately, with the invention of the SUV, the cellphone and the Soccer Mom, driving in Abilene has never been more hazardous. I’m sure the high rate of DWI’s in Taylor county hasn’t helped but that’s beside the point. So when you go out for your Saturday stroll, play some defense while your driving and for the love of all things holy don’t read this on your iPhone while you’re driving. That would be too ironic.

Dear Society, Once Again You’ve Dropped The Ball

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Last night, society as whole sunk to a new low. If you haven’t heard, last night during the MTV Music Video Awards Kanye West interrupted Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech for Best Female Video by taking the mic from the country music star and saying that Beyonce’s music video “Single Ladies” was the best video of the year. As you can imagine, Taylor is just standing there looking more confused than usual and most likely thinking “Well that sucked.” After I watched the clip on YouTube, I kept thinking to myself how sad it is that someone thought that would be okay. I mean honestly I think Taylor Swift is terrible (No offense Taylor) but I wouldn’t wish that embarrassment on anyone. I respect free speech but there is still (for now) something to be said for public decency which was completely thrown out the window last night.

Okay that was part one of this rant, welcome to part two. After watching this ridicoulousness, I was a really good blog about the fiasco on Yahoo! music called “Kanye West Has Truly Lost It This Time” by Billy Johnson Jr. (http://new.music.yahoo.com/blogs/hiphopmediatraining/171413/kanye-west-has-truly-lost-it-this-time/?page=123#comments) and I wrote a comment something to the effect that Kanye is a tool and is a shame to the human race. So I went to look for my comment (because I’m that narcissistic) and there were already around 9,000 responses to the blog and I have only been up for around 20 minutes, in fact right now there are 41,345 responses to that blog. So when I was on the hunt for my comment, I started to reading the responses and once again, I was ashamed of the human race. These are some of the comments from the readers. Notice: I do not condone any of the following comments, I didnt write any of them and those who did are so wrong.

MTV Should have escorted him straight to the county jail as they would have anyone else.
This guy no need to even call him a man because that is something he will never be, maybe some of the good ole boys should take him for a little ride in the back of a ford pick up truck……..get my meaning???????

He’s black, what do you expect. He doesn’t have any class. West go to hell. I hope you lose your voice.

Kanye what a tool! you can take the monkey out of the jungle, but u cant take the jungle out of the monkey!
Kanye sucks!

ARE YOU FREAKIN’ KIDDING ME PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!

These were just some of the comments, others had the hideously offensive “N” word and I dont mean “Nickleback,” the other one. Even though what Kanye said was very wrong, these comments alone are still 10 times worse than his actions. I can’t understand that anyone would think that it would be okay to reference the Jasper, TX murders. Would that really be justice for interrupting a 19-year-old? NO. Honestly I’m madder that people would use such harsh words against another living being.

This is where the title of this post comes in. I think Kanye was so wrong for doing that to not even his worst enemy, and I think the people who commented on that blog are so wrong as well. If society ever wants to be able to hold each other accountable, people can’t react with such malice and racism. To me, what Kanye did gets cancelled out because of what was said about him. When senseless words are said like that, the gaps between sections society get wider and the path to a more moral world get longer. I’m not a hippy or anything, but I’m a person that wants the world to be a better place for my kids and even by just being more cordial one another will, in the long run, go a long way.

The Taco Bell Anomaly

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The other day I felt like I needed to add some inches to my waistline and went to Taco Bell: the place where white people go to feel ethnic. I’ve been a believer in the Bell ever since I was 7; but for the first time I noticed little inadequacies and contradictions that they had been hiding under their crispy taco shell.

First was the 7 Layer Burrito, a classic contributor to my first heart attack. When I ordered it, I went through the layer inventory in my head: beans, guacamole, sour cream, etc, and I thought to myself “Does the actual tortilla count as a layer?” After debating with various people, mostly my wife, my feelings about tortilla are indifferent. First, if the tortilla is counted as a layer, thats a pitiful excuse for a layer. A tortilla is a paper thin container where its only job is to secure the other, better layers from getting all over your shirt. When I order the 7 Layer Burrito, I’m their for quantity. My suggestion is to add an extra layer of something worth eating, my vote is queso, as an apology for the tortilla. Second, if its not counted as a layer, then Taco Bell is lying and the Taco Bell Chihuahua should be rolling in is shoebox of a grave. (Too soon?) The 7 Layer Burrito would then be the 8 Layer Burrito and for everyone who is watching their weight aren’t accounting for the calories of the tortilla, they could be going over their calories for that day, therein Taco Bell is enabling their weight gain even more. However, if you are watching your figure, why are you eating at Taco Bell. Total hypocritical chaos I tell you.

The second issue I have with Taco Bell is the Volcano Nachos. I ordered them not only to feel the glorious cheesey burn, but also to inherit Clint Eastwood’s voice while I’m eating them. I took a bite into the first chip and I realized I was hitting .500 on expectation: cheesey goodness, same annoying voice. All I gained from that was a burning tongue. I would have complained about why I didn’t sound like Dirty Harry but my mouth was numb and they would have thought I just suffered a stroke.

Third, this Taco Bell didn’t have sporks anymore. That was the real reason I went there! The spork is every fat kids dream: a spoon that you could grab things with. It’s the best hybrid anything. The idea that I could kabob something and scoop it at the same gets my jollies going. Without the trident action of the spork you just have awkwardness. You then are just scooping up food as if the remains of your Double Decker was cereal and then you just look like fat kid.

Finally, I got a couple of salsa packets and one of them said “Will You Marry Me?” Okay, obviously my smart readers would not think to use that packet to propose to someone; but you know there was some pseudo love struck idiot has used it to propose to his out-of-his-league girlfriend. The sad part is is that he honestly thought that this was the funniest, most original proposal ever. I could imagine this guy getting on one knee to his girlfriend and she is laughing, not realizing that he is actually serious, this then snowballs in to eventual sadness for both of them. Imagine at their wedding shower, with scores of her friends wanting to hear the story and then she has to watch their faces go from confusion to disgust. “Oh, so he proposed at a Taco Bell… was your first date there… oh… yikes.” Worst of all, how is he going to explain this knee jerk reaction to her Dad who probably hates him already because he is that much of a dolt that he is taking his precious daughter to fast food restaurants. I’m sure the Dad would ask him begrudgingly “What gave you this idea that you have the right marry my daughter?” and then the guy will undoubtedly reply “a salsa packet told me to.”

Wedding Gift Ideas for Summer 2009

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Since this is the, according to the Zombies, the seaon of loving, I thought I would give you some stellar wedding ideas. When I say ideas I really mean things to avoid. PLEASE NOTE: if you got these for my wife and me as a gift, it’s not intentional and we a deeply grateful and I’m being a tool for the sake of comedy, or whatever this is.

Today we were cleaning and rearranging our house for company coming in tomorrow and we moved our couch. As under most couches, there was a myriad of wrappers, drinking glasses and roaches. Anyways about drinking glasses, we got like 3 sets of glass tumblers. They are nice but they could be mistaken for paper. Well today we found almost a whole set and we ended up shattering 2 of them. Now if you have ever broken a glass, sometimes you get lucky and it breaks in to 4 parts or something. Not these bad boys. Evidently these tumblers were forged from the fiery pits of Mordor and were then verbally abused by some nicer glasses from Macy’s and then were dipped in gunpowder for fun. As the tumbler fell out of my hand, we had pieces everywhere, burying themselves all across our living room, all 15 square feet of it. Now I’m sure that it wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t concrete right under our carpet, but since that is the standard for most newlyweds cottages, we don’t live in houses that are suitable for those glasses. I guess our marriage isn’t mature enough for said tumblers.

McDonald’s: The True Birth Control

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Today I went to the food trough that I share the same last name with (except I spell it right) and of course since it’s the summer every mom and their offspring are there. Today I wasn’t in a huge rush or anything but all I really wanted was to eat without any real annoyances, of course that was too much to ask.

As I walked in I was confused because I thought I was walking in to a McDonald’s not a Bjork concert where someone is throat scraping her as she does that yell singing thing she does . Anyways as I try to order my McDouble through the moaning and gnashing of baby teeth, I try to find a seat that is isolated from the noise: it did no good. Although I was a good 20 feet away from the closest single mother, her child’s yelping echoed through the halls of the establishment. What idiot architect thought it would be advantageous to build low ceilings in a place full of ear piercing brats? I guess they didn’t have my foresight. Now as I keep eating I’m watching this obvious rookie mom keep hitting her kid when he gets out of his chair and then hitting them again when he cries. Really? Lady, hes not the mute button on the remote. I know that probably works in your shanty trailer park but you cant do that in public. They put people in jail for doing that to their dogs.

Anyways, I finished my burger and left thinking “the next time my wife wants kids I’m taking her here and that should hold her at bay for…ever.” Then I also thought “So if McDonald’s was the birth control, would that make Chuck E. Cheese the Row v Wade of resturaunts?” Yes. Yes it would.

A Toast to Toast

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I know that I have your undivided attention. Lets think about toast for a minute shall we? As a child, one the first things I remember eating was toast. Sitting at the table in my kitchen, my mom gave me a slice of the white stuff with butter and I scarfed it down. Isn’t weird that you have inane memories like that instead of the time that I got stranded in a snow covered wheat field in Canada when the rope that was attached to my sled that was attached to an ATV snapped and I was out there for a go 10 minutes (6 hours in children time.) Or like the time that I got frostbite so bad on my cheeks that my scars still appear when I get too hot. I’m sure the two stories are related but the point is why I can’t remember stuff like that instead of toast? I know this isn’t necessarily deep but just a thought.