Mourning the Loss of Your Gym and Other Social Spaces

I should preface this post by saying that I hope the overused phrase “in these unprecedented times” will soon join the other painful buzzwords like “synergy” and “WAAAAAASSSSSUUUUUPPPPP” in the great buzzword bank in the sky. But the unfortunate reality of 2020 is that this crap sandwich of a year has been truly unprecedented. The effects of COVID-19 have undoubtedly altered your life in a myriad of ways, from destroying your work-life balance to learning how to teach pre-algebra to your kids to acting like Zoom calls with your friends and family are the same as hanging out in real life. And that’s if you’re lucky. With more than 200,000 dead from the virus in the US alone (it was 183,000 when I started drafting this post almost two weeks ago), the dire effects of this virus will continue to ripple throughout generations to come.

(I’m about to shift gears here, but I felt it was important to emphasize that lives are being lost at…well…an unprecedented rate. I also want to recognize that there are undescribable gross injustices that have occurred and are occurring across this country that need to end. I didn’t want to gloss over these issues before I got into the thesis of this post.)

It’s mind-boggling to think that within a few weeks, every physical social outlet we held dear vanished: worshipping at church, chatting around the water cooler at work, meeting up for a happy hour and working out with friends at the gym. Here in Seattle, we had little time to adjust, and honestly, I’m still adjusting to this quasi-dystopian reality.

Sadly, a lot of these social institutions are feeling the brunt of this pandemic. Countless restaurants and small businesses closed their doors in mid-March, not knowing if they would ever open again. Last month, I found out that my neighborhood gym, E-Train Fitness was another local institution closing its doors for good. Something I had mentally prepared for but hoped against hope that it wouldn’t actually happen.

It hurt.

There were very few things I was looking forward to more than lifting heavy things at my gym after the pandemic. It was my happy place. It’s was what got me through the dark northwest winter last year. Most importantly, E-Train, specifically its owner Elston, helped me fall in love with lifting again after I burned myself out at my old CrossFit gym about a year ago. It was more akin to the Average Joe’s gym from Dodgeball (deep cut, I know) where I knew the personal trainers, including Patty, a 70-something-year-old fitness trainer who trained other seniors and at times trained me along with providing an encouraging word. It was my new community, and I loved it dearly.

Now, I’m not sure what I’m going to do. I always had an open rack waiting for me, as opposed to fighting the broherds at the big box gym I went to for a while that’s open 24 Hours…(fitness) or working out at a CrossFit-style gym that has class times that don’t align with my new twinfluenced schedule. And honestly, I’m not sure when I’m going to be comfortable working out in a confined space in a post-COVID world and unfortunately, it’s going to be a while before we get there.

So now that you’re down in the dumps after reading this (sorry). But this is how I process. I write.
I’m sure you’re hoping for the silver lining. Well, I can’t say that I have one. But there are things we can do to help out our small businesses that are still against the ropes.

Things like:
-Buying local when you can, from small purchases like bagged coffee from local roasters to running shoes at a local running shop.

-Donating shelf-stable food items like peanut butter to your local food banks who need donations now more than ever.

-Rummaging through your closet for gently used warm clothing items to gift to your local homeless shelter before the winter weather hits. (They always need new socks as well!)

-Purchasing a gift certificate from your favorite artist co-op as gifts for the holidays.

-Or even hitting up Elston on Instagram (@seatrainer25) and purchase a few of his mobile fitness sessions!

These are just a few things we can do. It may not feel like a lot, but it can go a long way if we all do our part.

Finally, I think the best thing we can do for ourselves is to remember that this is not normal. Odds are, you know someone or have come into contact with someone who has tested positive. That’s why we have to remain vigilant by wearing a mask (even if it’s not mandated in your state) and maintaining social distancing with one another, no matter how much it sucks. Because if we don’t, we will only prolong this pandemic, putting more businesses at risk.

What BBQ is (and isn’t) According to “Chef’s Table: BBQ” on Netflix

Snow’s BBQ in Lexington, Texas (Netflix)

I’ve been counting down the days (errr…hours) to last Wednesday’s premiere of “Chef’s Table: BBQ” on Netflix but with my own set of reservations. While the “Chef’s Table” series has transcended the culinary docuseries into a visual masterpiece, when broaching the subject of BBQ, most miss the mark. Unfortunately, BBQ doesn’t always get the best treatment in cooking docuseries. The approach can be elitist and myopic, something BBQ is anything but, which I believe exploits its humble roots. “Chef’s Table” took a more modest approach, tackling the definition of BBQ with a global lens, using rich imagery and, at times, heartwrenching anecdotes to delve into the heart of this centuries-old craft. After watching the episodes in succession, with a rewatch in my not so distant future, I believe these are the tenets of BBQ that the series portrays.

Firedoor’s Lennox Hastie tending to a gorgeous ribeye on an open fire in Australia (Netflix)

BBQ is Fire, Smoke and Food
The question of “what is BBQ?” usually devolves into regional border wars, missing the foundational ingredients of what it actually is. It’s not sauces or a cut of meat, or even the animal; it’s the act of cooking food with fire, be it an open flame or chard embers. I love that the series drove the point home that this is not a carnivore-only affair. In fact, using fire to cook something as delicate as radicchio (like Lennox Hastie does in ep. 2) is an art form. And it’s presumptuous for us to think that our ancestors didn’t use the discovery of fire to do the same. I believe there is still much for us as BBQ enthusiasts to explore within this topic. Though, I think the odds of creating a complete definition of BBQ is as likely as us defining its proper spelling. (For the record, the correct way is “b-a-r-b-e-c-u-e” well…in my opinion at least.)

Rosalia Chay Chuc from Yaxunah, Mexico cooking the traditional Mayan pork dish Cochinita Pibil which is cooked in a buried pot covered in embers (Netflix)

BBQ is Geographic
The U.S. BBQ border wars are notorious, with each region vying for bragging rights for the best bite. Sure it is mostly in good fun…mostly…but the reality is that what’s considered the best is incredibly subjective and a fool’s errand to determine. BBQ was created out of necessity, utilizing the food and fuel that was available, usually in excess. What makes it unique is just how localized each specialty really is. From the incredibly rare breed of pigs in the Yucatan region of Mexico to the excess of hogs farmed on the plantations of the Carolinas that were cooked whole, to the what was once uncommon cuts of beef sold at the city markets in Central Texas in the early to mid-twentieth century (i.e., brisket), these foods have become the hallmark of BBQ. The methods have stayed relatively the same while their notoriety continues to evolve.

Rodney Scott seasoning whole hogs at his restaurant in Charleston, South Carolina (Netflix)

BBQ is Relational
A common thread running throughout each episode (along with a majority of other episodes of “Chef’s Table”) is the value placed on the familial tradition that comes with a culinary craft like BBQ. But like in a lot of our lives, a family isn’t always defined by blood. Each story from this season describes a relationship forged over the coals of a BBQ pit and how the techniques of old (which, in Rosalia’s case, date back millennia) were passed down to this moment in time. Some stories did describe how blood relatives shaped their craft, creating strife within their families. Rodney Scott’s account of his decision to chart his own path by starting his restaurant in the big city of Charleston after years of tending the pits in his parent’s store in small-town Hemingway, South Carolina, is a common one in BBQ lore. But blood or not, these pitmasters have found their own families and communities through their love and mastery of BBQ.

Tootsie Tomanetz tending the pits at Snow’s BBQ in Lexington, Texas (Netflix)

BBQ isn’t Easy
One of the greatest fallacies within the realms of backyard BBQ pitmasters is the idea that they could match the quality of what they eat in a BBQ joint day in and day out. The reality is that making great (heck, even okay) BBQ is really hard, much less on a massive scale. One of my favorite scenes from the show is when Texas Monthly Barbecue Editor Daniel Vaughn explains that most pitmasters are willing to divulge their “secret recipes.” Even though in Central Texas where Snow’s BBQ resides, the recipe is just season meat with salt and pepper and cook it over chard oak wood. Vaughn says they’ll tell you at least that much and to have at it which, in reality, is far less helpful than one would think.

Because the magic of great BBQ is the sixth sense that these pitmasters possess. It’s adjusting to the external temperature and the humidity in the air, knowing the age of the wood you’re using for fuel, trimming enough fat within a quarter of an inch on a brisket flat to make sure it doesn’t dry out, and about a million other factors that you may learn how to handle with time. Tootsie Tomanetz (who I met on my #30flirtyandBBQ tour a few years ago) doesn’t even use a temperature gauge on her pits; she knows the temp by touching the lid (which would incinerate an average person’s digits). Pitmaster Roy Perez at Kreutz Market in Lockhart, Texas, uses a metal probe to tell if a brisket is ready and Aaron Franklin can tell by simply handling it. I’m worried that a lot of folks wait in long lines to taste the final product from these masters, post a photo on Instagram, and move on to the next place without genuinely appreciating the hours that went into a perfect slice of brisket or the snap of a link of sausage. I hope that people watch “Chef’s Table: BBQ” and begin to appreciate the labor and wisdom BBQ requires. Thankfully, I do think BBQ in the U.S. is starting to get the credit it’s due from the rest of the world, but I hope the U.S. can reciprocate that appreciation for BBQ in other countries and cultures.

Tootsie, Lennox, Rodney and Rosalia are prime examples of why I love BBQ and why I loved this series. It doesn’t require a classically-trained culinary pedigree, but an innate ability to wield fire and smoke to make a cut of meat as obtuse as a brisket or something as delicate as a piece of radicchio to transform it into something primal. Yes, their food looks incredible, and I can’t wait to visit each restaurant (one down, three to go), but it’s the people that make BBQ special.

Picking Up Where I Left Off…

The Fotographing Fat Kid?
*Takes a drag of a cigarette and puts it out on his jeans.*
I haven’t heard that name in years.

My life has changed so much since my last post. You know…from two years ago? But what would you expect? My last post expressed my concerns of how exercified (excited and terrified) I was before my TEDx Talk at my undergrad alma mater out in west Texas. Which is kind of funny because it feels like a sitcom season-finalesque cliffhanger, but instead of making the “TGIF” lineup the following season, I was shelved, only to be renewed years later by some ripoff streaming service like Holu or NetFlicks or HBO Max.

Much like the actor playing the protagonist of this proverbial sitcom (I wasn’t sure that I was going to stick with this metaphor but I’m going to roll with it), my life and priorities have changed significantly since my TEDx Talk in 2018, namely the fact that I’m now a dad to internet-breakingly cute twins. But even before their birth, I had realized that focusing on my weight was taking its toll.

And if I’m going to be honest, losing 132 pounds was exhausting and at times, ravaged my self-image and emotional health. Since 2018, I’ve had a real love/hate relationship with blogging about losing weight because I was slowly gaining, I was focused more on gaining muscle than a number on a scale and because no one is not a great blogger when their heart’s not in it.

I’m finally back to a point in my life where I feel like I have something to say because I’m so much more than the amount of weight I had lost. The original intent of my FFK blog was to share my thoughts on my life and my interests. Since my first post in 2009, I’ve wanted this blog to be about my life and to share my passions with the world wide web (people still call the Internet the world wide web, right? Or did I just die of old age?) including my photography. Heck, I’ve never actually blogged about smoking delicious meats, which is kind of ridiculous. There’s so much more that I want to share with you, from recipes to photos to my thoughts on diet culture. But what won’t change is my hope that you will chime in and comment with your thoughts and opinions of my passable writing skills.

So…now what?

Well…the Fotographing Fat Kid is back. Hello…again.

Talk to you later.

“Go be awesome!”

I’m writing this on my flight to DFW. [Composing it in Monk’s Coffee Shop in Abilene while eating a cream cheese brownie from McKay’s Bakery.] It’s that point in the flight where they’re hustling their credit card, an indicator that there’s at least enough time to sign up for a credit card but not much else. Also, the lady across the aisle from me just picked her nose and ate while watching Murder on the Orient Express, a different indicator that I’ve been on this flight long enough that we’re a little too comfortable with each other.

Now…where was I?

After months of preparation, self-doubt, anxiousness and imposter syndrome, I’m on my way to Abilene, Texas to share my story at TEDxACU. I’ve rehearsed my talk with coworkers, including my CEO, my church friends, my wife and have muttered it under my breath to everyone on the 77 North City bus and pedestrians in downtown Seattle.

I’m excited but nervous. The brain is a funny creature that misplaces ideas and sentences as if they were a pair of car keys nestled under a pile of dirty laundry. It’s how it goes. But at its core, this talk is my life and the principles I live by. As long as I can communicate those to the audience, I’ll be just fine.

My talk is a combination of stories and life lessons that have defined my weight loss. This has been an amazing journey, one that has been crowdsourced with friends from all walks of my life cheering me on.

Last Saturday, I left my Weight Watchers meeting realizing that by that time next week I would be done with my talk, carrying the knowledge of how it went and whether or not I would share the link to the talk with my friends and family.

My soul felt heavy.

It was a challenging thought. On my way to my car, one of my favorite members called me over. We chatted about her upcoming trip to Arizona. “Oh! Your talk is next week!” she exclaimed. We talked a little more and she ended the conversation with this closing commission: “go be awesome!” 

It was what I needed to hear at that exact moment. Because this experience is awesome. Heck, I”m awesome!

Regardless of what happens on tomorrow, life will go on. I don’t say that to cheapen the experience. Far from it. It’s a license to get out on that stage and give it all I have.

So that’s what I’m going to do. If I hit a mental roadblock, I’ll take a deep breath and break through it. I got this.

So wherever you are on Friday at 8:30 central time, direct your positive thoughts toward Abilene, Texas. I can’t wait to tell you guys how it went.

Weigh-in 1/27/18!

Hey, you adorable blog-reader you!
How was your week? Good? Did it rain every waking moment of the week like it did here? Oh, Seattle in the winter, what a delight!

Anyway, enough about that. Like most people trying to lose weight, there are weeks that feel incredibly uneven when it comes to their habits. Sure, you might go to the gym and eat all the healthy things from Sunday to Wednesday, but when Thursday and Friday roll around, things start to slip a little. That’s where I was this week, but I’m not beating myself up about it. Why? because in the grander scheme of things, my habits are light years ahead of where they were even a month ago!

So…let’s do this thing.

The Rundown
How did I do?
This week, I gained 2.6 pounds. TBH, I’m not sure all of that was a true gain but again, it’s not the whole story. More on that in a bit. 
Current Weight: 271.2
Total weight loss: -85.8
Favorite meal last week:
Yesterday, I had lunch at a delicious place called Cherry St. Public House down in Pioneer Square. I’ve never had Persian stew before but I’m in love. (There’s a lot more to this photo. You can learn more about it on my Instagram account @nathan_albert.) 

What went well last week?
This was definitely a week where the scale didn’t tell the whole story. Yeah, I ate some salty and decadent food on Thursday and Friday, but that’s part of life. I went to (3) 6 a.m. classes and played racquetball and overall I ate some healthy, good for you goodness most of the week! The biggest thing that went well this week was actually this morning. Before I weighed in at Weight Watchers, I saw myself in the mirror. And before the mirror could tell me that I was the fairest of them all (as all magic mirrors do) I looked at myself and said: “Dang, I’m looking good.”
I don’t say stuff like that to myself. Like…ever.
For this first time in years, I finally feel confident about how I look and where my life is going physically. This week, that non-scale victory alone was worth more than a smaller number on the scale.

What will I work on this upcoming week?
This week will involve friends, brisket and eating healthy 90% of the time.

How about you? What healthy steps are you going to take this week? You got this! 

 

Weigh-in Saturday!

Hey, kiddos!
You’ve read that right, it’s weigh-in day! I haven’t written one of these in years and I’ve really missed taking time out of my Saturday to reflect on how my weight loss journey is progressing. Currently, my plan is to update you (yes, you) and my other lovely readers on how things are going. Transparency is something I’ve lost over the years, not because I’m ashamed of how I’m doing, far from it. I just haven’t made being transparent about my journey a priority, much like my health in general.

So…with that, I would like to introduce you to the new Saturday weigh-in format! Every week you’ll see these questions along with any other nugget of randomness I can throw in.

Here we go! [insert “The Final Countdown” synthesizer tune here.]

The Rundown
How did I do?
This past week was a little out of the ordinary. My 31st birthday was last Saturday (hooray for being a fully functional thirtysomething!) and my parents were in town! Last time they were in Seattle it rained the entire time. This time: the weather was perfect. So we walked a lot and enjoyed allllll of the deliciousness Seattle has to offer from Duke’s fish and chips to drinking chocolate at Fran’s. While I didn’t stay on the healthy eating path the whole time they were here, I was back at it for the rest of the week. So this week I actually lost 2.8 pounds this week! I’ve started tracking using the MyFitnessPal app (don’t tell Oprah!) because I’ve gotten pretty lazy when it comes to tracking everything. Personally, it’s been pretty easy for me to stay complacent when tracking because there are soooooo many zero point options now. It’s easy to fudge your tracking (and by fudge I mean you eat more fudge) and forget that just because those foods are zero points, they are still calories…and fat…and carbs…and sodium. (WW folks, how do you like the new Freestyle System? Let me know in the comments!) Anyway, between tracking and hitting up the gym four times this week, I was stoked with that loss.

Current Weight: 268.6 pounds

Total weight loss: -88.4

Favorite meal last week:
By far and away my favorite meal of the week was on my birthday at Flintcreek Cattle Co. in the Greenwood neighborhood in Seattle. Their menu includes an array of delicious western ranch-raised meats along with game like boar and venison. I had the 12oz ribeye topped with a glorious compound butter. I was a huge fan of not only the food but the awesome vibe and that it’s tucked in one of my favorite understated parts of the Emerald City. Definitely, go check it out!


What went well last week?
I’ve been a lot more intentional about treating food as a strength trainer rather than a counselor. I don’t rely on food to make me feel better. That’s what exercising is for!


What will I work on this upcoming week?
I’m super excited to hang out with two awesome sets of friends tonight! I’m so happy that we’ve found these pockets of awesome people wherever we lived. From Dim Sum in the International District to a 90s pop dance party in Belltown, it should be a fun night!

(Stay tuned this week for a post about my peeps!)

Overall, I’m really happy about the momentum this new year has brought. I’m also really happy that this blog is back in my life. I can’t wait to see where this journey goes from here.

Stay awesome.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The post where I need your help…

I have always been a fan of 90s Christian music. Steven Curtis Chapman’s Heaven in the Real World album to Jars of Clay’s self-titled album have formed not just my faith but my childhood. There’s something pure about that genre that reminds of a simpler time in my life. Now, I’m not going to get into escapism or its musicological ramifications (I’ll leave that to my wife…the one with the Ph.D. in the topic) but I’m sure a lot of us could dig up defining memories and tie it to a specific theme or medium, be it Darkwing Duck, Punky Brewster, sparkly parachute pants…you get the idea.

When I think about the FFK brand per se, I can pinpoint a portion of those defining moments, some of which are refreshed by reading my older posts. But unlike a has-been actor in my own digital life, I tend to forget just how amazing that part of my life was.

That said, I do remember this: This blog shaped me. It made me a better person. It literally transformed my life. And I’m ready to move on from this boring part of the Lifetime movie that is my life (starring James Van Der Beek in a fat suit as me) and move into the third act where I’m not [as] worried about my health and the size of my waist.

So at this point, I’m sure you are wondering “what does this have to do with anything? Why am I reading this? Isn’t the Wheel on?” Hang tight. I’m getting there.

(Fair warning, I kind of buried the lede in this post)

This March, I’m returning to Abilene Christian University to give a TED Talk at TEDxACU. While this is an absolute bucket item that I am incredibly stoked to cross off my list, I still am working what idea I have that is worth spreading. The title “Repetitive Forward Motion Keeps You Moving” harkens back to a defining moment when I was on a rough run while I was training for my first half marathon. While I think back to times like that and wonder what would have happened if I took my own advice and kept moving forward, I think even more about the context of those times and how I felt about myself.

So…here’s where the title of this particular posts enters in.

I wanted to avoid qualifying/apologizing for this request since it might sound self-serving. If you feel that it is, then just don’t respond ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. I want to hear why you read this blog. Why did/do you follow it? What was it about me or my weight loss journey that kept you reading? Not only do I want to know so I can keep creating content that you’ll enjoy, I want to remember why that was such a defining time. You can text, call, FB message, email or even comment in the box below. Let me know. And in the meantime, I’ll keep crafting my idea worth spreading.

 

Figuring it all out

Looking Forward

“Why, hello. Haven’t seen you here in a while…”

I don’t know why I haven’t posted in so long. I’ve opened this blog page, tried to type, came up with some solid draft ideas, and then lost steam. I kept trying to come up with some epic post with Mark Morrison’s “Return of the Mac” blasting from the heavens as I return to my blogtastic glory.

But life doesn’t work that way.

The blog has been such an important part of the past almost decade of my life. Not only did it serve as the trailhead of my weight loss journey, it shaped my skills as a writer. I also hoped that it would help encourage others to become healthier. Not out of any selfish hope, but because I knew how much better my life was inside and out once I made that change in my own life.

“So…why did you stop blogging, Nathan?” 

I think I stopped writing because I was ashamed of gaining some weight back. When I weighed 225, I dealt with some dark stuff. I hated how I looked. With a capital “h” hated. I felt like I was this rubber band that was stretching myself out to new links, but deep down I knew that I would snap back one day. And it did, but it could have been way worse.

Somehow, I think that stunted my weight-loss growth. I think instead of confronting some of those issues (you know…when you realize that you feel feelings that aren’t always happy) so I resorted back to food instead of confronting them.

What I’ve realized this week is that you really don’t truly grasp the concept of self-preservation until you’re 29 and a half. Whether you like it or not, you figure out that you have to watch out for yourself. Whether that’s your job, your friendships, or your health. I’ve pushed myself really hard in my late 20s and it took its toll on my health. I was really hard on myself. In fact, that has been on every job evaluation I’ve ever had. I wasn’t trying to be perfect, I was trying to do it all. Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad I did because I got to work on some amazing projects with some amazing people, but I’ve finally realized that it’s OK to take a step back.
Not every fight is my own.

“So…what now?”
Well, I am going to start writing again. I still wear the FFK moniker as a badge of honor. I love inspiring others. I feel that it’s what I am called even at a spiritual level. If every day of my life isn’t spent helping others, then what’s the point?

For years, I have pushed other people to embrace and promote the personal brand they want others to see. I haven’t been doing that. For the past three years, I’ve been this weight loss has-been. Now, it’s time to practice what I preach. It’s time to keep moving forward.

Day 2083 Back to Life, Back to Reality Edition

Why hello!

I know it’s been a while but I have a great reason…MY PARENTS WERE IN TOWN!
I haven’t seen them since Christmas and it was truly their time in the Emerald City. Well…the Wet Emerald City. While it was rainy and cold, there’s nothing better than spending time with the ones you love while showing off your favorite city.

Just to recap, the past week was kind of blur and full of amazing food. I hit the reset button today with a long (and brutal) 3-mile run and some amazing dinner. And with that, we’ll be back to our regularly scheduled blogging tomorrow with an epic recap of last week in Wordless Wednesday form. See ya tomorrow!