Figuring it all out

Looking Forward

“Why, hello. Haven’t seen you here in a while…”

I don’t know why I haven’t posted in so long. I’ve opened this blog page, tried to type, came up with some solid draft ideas, and then lost steam. I kept trying to come up with some epic post with Mark Morrison’s “Return of the Mac” blasting from the heavens as I return to my blogtastic glory.

But life doesn’t work that way.

The blog has been such an important part of the past almost decade of my life. Not only did it serve as the trailhead of my weight loss journey, it shaped my skills as a writer. I also hoped that it would help encourage others to become healthier. Not out of any selfish hope, but because I knew how much better my life was inside and out once I made that change in my own life.

“So…why did you stop blogging, Nathan?” 

I think I stopped writing because I was ashamed of gaining some weight back. When I weighed 225, I dealt with some dark stuff. I hated how I looked. With a capital “h” hated. I felt like I was this rubber band that was stretching myself out to new links, but deep down I knew that I would snap back one day. And it did, but it could have been way worse.

Somehow, I think that stunted my weight-loss growth. I think instead of confronting some of those issues (you know…when you realize that you feel feelings that aren’t always happy) so I resorted back to food instead of confronting them.

What I’ve realized this week is that you really don’t truly grasp the concept of self-preservation until you’re 29 and a half. Whether you like it or not, you figure out that you have to watch out for yourself. Whether that’s your job, your friendships, or your health. I’ve pushed myself really hard in my late 20s and it took its toll on my health. I was really hard on myself. In fact, that has been on every job evaluation I’ve ever had. I wasn’t trying to be perfect, I was trying to do it all. Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad I did because I got to work on some amazing projects with some amazing people, but I’ve finally realized that it’s OK to take a step back.
Not every fight is my own.

“So…what now?”
Well, I am going to start writing again. I still wear the FFK moniker as a badge of honor. I love inspiring others. I feel that it’s what I am called even at a spiritual level. If every day of my life isn’t spent helping others, then what’s the point?

For years, I have pushed other people to embrace and promote the personal brand they want others to see. I haven’t been doing that. For the past three years, I’ve been this weight loss has-been. Now, it’s time to practice what I preach. It’s time to keep moving forward.

Introducing #FFKFitby30

For the past few weeks, Megan and I have binged watched the entire series of Game of Thrones. You know, that show with the dragons, ice zombies and Peter Dinklage. The show is simply amazing and I can’t believe it took me this long to finally watch it. Anyway, while we were watching the fifth season the other night, I thought to myself “wow, I wonder how old Kit Harington (John Snow) is. He must be like…37 or something.” So, like any good TV consumer, I went to IMDB to look for his age. Aaaaaaaand he’s 18 days older than me. That means we graduated high school at the same time, we were in awkward puberty at the same time and we probably secretly even loved Nickelback at the same time. When I told Megan, all she could say was “we’re old.”

While this might mean that I’m just not good at guessing the ages of people, it just reaffirms my false belief that I’m younger that I actually am. (At this point, I’m waiting for some red head to come up to me and say “you know nothing, Nathan MacDonald.”) The reality is that I am an adult and life his happening right now. This all kind of came to a head when I realized that as of June 13th, I am a year and a half away from turning 30. My twenties are almost gone. And I’m kind of sad about it.

At this point, I know you’re ready to comment with a remark like “ummmmm…you’re not that old. Stop whining!” or something like “dude! 30 is the new 15!” But for me, it’s more than that! I’m seeing that 3 number as a finish line for goals that I set nearly a decade ago. (Yes, the FFK is turning 5 years old this year.) I need to think of my journey in those terms so I mentally keep going. More importantly, I need to breath new life into this journey.

With that, I would like to introduce you to #FFKFitby30.

Below is a manageable list of goals that I will conquer before January 13th, 2017 (you know…when I turn 30). Some are serious, some are silly, and others are just plain cool. My plan is once I complete one goal, I will add another! So here we go!

  • Exercise for 30 minutes four times a week.
  • Complete a marathon
  • Run a race every month
  • Do a pull up (yes, one pull up. I can do a tenth of one right now…)
  • Weigh in below 200 pounds (199.8 lbs totally counts!)
  • Get certified in a fitness program like TRX of kettlebells
  • Track my food six times a week

So seven reasonable goals that all benefit one another in some way! I’m going to start tracking food tomorrow in a food journal on my phone and Megan and I also started Insanity Max 30 (check it out! It’s awesome!) last week! I’m ready to begin this journey to 30 and using these goals as my map!

Here. We. Go.

The FFK’s Official Review of the Mizuno Wave Rider 18

MizunoThis post is sponsored by Mizuno and Fitfluential, but the FFK tells it like it is. All opinions are my own.
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Here at the FFK, I don’t review as many products as I would like. Usually because when I apply to review something like a new running water bottle or accordion, I usually get passed over, (much to the chagrin of my accordion instructor). So when I first found out that I was selected to field test a pair of the brand spankin’ new Mizuno Wave Rider 18’s, I was thrilled!

One day after work, Santa Shoes had dropped off my new pair of running shoes. The first thing I noticed…they were orange and blue. AKA UF colors. At first (he said facetiously) I wasn’t sure I would be able to wear the color combo that has clothed the likes of other loser athletes like Tim Tebow and Ryan Lochte. HOW WOULD I LIVE WITH MYSELF?

Then…I tried them on. It was like wearing pillows downed with angel feathers and puppy fur. The Wave Riders not only felt good, they helped me gain about an inch in height. Oh yeah, they’re light too. I mean, help you levitate on the pavement light. As soon as I laced them up, I was ready to pound the pavement and break them in!

While I do have some issues with pronation, I knew that the Wave Rider is a neutral so I was curious to see if I was going to have any issues when I ran. In that regard, I could feel a difference between them and my other running shoes but it actually helped my running stride!

BUT LET ME TELL YOU HOW THE MIZUNO WAVE RIDER 18 BLEW MY OTHER SHOES OUT OF THE WATER!!!

With my old shoes, I would feel everything I ran over, from rocks to the cracks on the concrete (but I usually try to avoid those because I don’t want to break my mama’s back). The cushioned bottom creates a tire-like layer of protection between the food and the ground. Simply put, it is what other “shock absorbent” shoes try to be.

When I’m shopping for a shoe, I want something that will work for me. Meaning I want the shoe’s output to enhance my running ability. Running on asphalt is almost effortless with the Wave Rider 18. While your foot is securely in place in the shoe, your foot flows flawlessly with your stride.

You really feel the output of the shoe when you run uphill. Here in Tallahassee, it always feels like you’re running uphill no matter what. I was immediately navigate up the concrete mountain with no problem thanks to the design of the shoe. Usually after a long (5+ miles) run on that many shifts in elevation, my ankles and feet would start to ache, but the supportive design addressed that. In fact, I was ready to tack on a few more miles!

So fresh and so clean...

So fresh and so clean…

So my final thoughts on the Mizuno Wave Rider 18 are pretty simple. For $119, they are the perfect road shoe. I say road shoe because I need a shoe with that little more grip and traction on trails.  I’ve never owned a pair of Mizuno’s (except for a pair of Mizuno baseball cleats in Little League) but I can’t wait to check out the rest of their line of shoes! Especially for trail shoes!

MIZUNO WAVE RIDER 18 FTW!!!!

Want to learn more about the Wave Rider 18? Click here!

 

First Thursday Weigh In

Hello kids!

So The Biggest Loser started tonight and it’s…wait for it…

ALL FORMER JOCKS!

That’s right, after a season that ended with a crazy, and incredibly controversial, twist, this season is deviating from the average joe troupe to former athletes. This is going to be interesting for a lot of reasons. I guarantee there will be a lot of bruised egos, some annoying contestants, and some AWESOME transformations. I’m curious to see how this season goes and how it’s received by an audience who, from anecdotal and personal experience, were possibly bullied by people like them. (Again, I realize that comment might be a little general, but as a kid who was bullied by jocks, I don’t think I’m completely off base.)

Alright…Shifting gears.

On Sunday, I decided to change up my weigh-in date for a few different reasons. Namely, I didn’t think the number on the scale was telling the whole story (not that it ever really does. At the end of the day, it is just a number.) So on Sunday, I weighed in at 262 pounds (tailgating took its toll, y’all) and I knew that it was a little inflated. When I got on the scale this morning, I didn’t think I was going to lose even though I had worked out almost every day and had incorporated a lot of fruits, veggies, nuts and beans, into my diet. This morning, I weighed in at 255.6 so I lost 6.4 pounds! HUZZAH!!!!!!

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After that loss, I’m really ready to hit the ground running. I wasn’t perfect today, but I still ate an amazing salad for lunch and I walked a ton around campus for work! I’m definitely making some headway. I know this might sound crazy, but I feel like if I can string together two weeks with losses that I will mentally get through this funk I’ve been in. Henrietta and I have been had some killer wins thanks to Daily Burn, but now I just need a few wins on the scale to tie it all together.

Here’s to another awesome week!

Rewarding Myself With Delicious And Sweaty Things

I love my job, but it can get, how do I say this, a little sporadic at times.
You see, the role of a PR/Marketing coordinator for a program at a university means you are a Jack of all trades and a master of…one? Maybe? You help support your co-workers and their programs because when they succeed, the office’s brand succeeds.

This week, our office is putting on a seminar for a select group of AWESOME incoming freshmen who are learning about leadership, service and diversity and what it means to create positive and sustainable change in the FSU community. It’s an amazing program.

But back to the utility player point…

So I have been promoting this program all week along with volunteering to help with random odds and ends.

So this was my schedule today:
7:15 am-pick up doughnuts for students
7:30-7:45 am-interviewed students for a press release
7:45-8:15 am-took group and individual photos for the program
8:30-9:45 am-answered emails
10:00-10:15 am-took some staff photos for our website
10:15-10:25 am-drove to the food bank where students were serving
10:25-10:40 am-took photos as students were wrapping up
10:40-10:50 am-drove back to campus
11:00-11:40 am-created an outline for release while trying to figure out why Word was freezing every time I tried to copy and paste
11:45-1 pm-gave up and went to lunch
1:00-2:00 pm-wrote and edited press release for publication
2:00-3:00 pm-edited photos for news story
3:00-4:30 pm-answered more emails and planned for tomorrow
(not included in this timeline: drinking multiple cups of coffee and talking to a few co-workers about fitness. Because my office is awesome like that.)

If we really broke down our days, we have little time to ourselves. We work hard and sometimes so hard that we just become unproductive. When we get home, the last thing we want to do is think, work or be active. Instead, in my case anyway, we justify ordering terrible food and doing nothing but plopping ourselves down on the couch for a five-hour marathon of Diners, Drive-ins and Dives. For some warped reason, we think that’s how we are supposed to reward ourselves for a day of work.

I’m here to say that if you are doing that, you are doing life wrong.

(And yes, that sentence was directed towards yours truly as well.)

As an overweight society, we see exercise and healthy eating as some kind of punishment. That we are depriving us from YOLOing up our lives when in reality our YOLOing is just being lethargic and heavy. Today, I realized that these things aren’t tasks that I am forced to do; rather, I am rewarding my body with a better and longer life.

Selfie With DoakSTEAK

 

 

 

 

 

Today I rewarded myself two ways: running and eating steak.
Yes, steak.

Now for most, the idea of running three miles in the swampy south with a heat index above 100 degrees sounds brutal. That’s because it is. It’s not pretty, there is a lot of sweat but running around a place you love always helps. With all the hectic scenarios I was in today, I focused on my running reward because it’s something I love and something that I know I’m good at. When I run, the day (and the calories) just melt away. But it’s not just a reward because I love it, it is a reward to my body for sitting at a desk for 8+ hours. It is also a reward because I am challenging my body to do amazing things. How is that not a reward for your body? It’s not a punishment. It’s a privilege.

So about the steak…
When I went to lunch, I had to go to Publix to pick up a few items for said lunch. As usual, I ended up in the meat section. That’s when it hit me, “after this already crazy day, I deserve a steak.” So I bought a New York strip and it became another point of focus to get through this day.

Now like a lot of you out there in the weight-losing community, the idea of rewarding yourself with food is generally frowned upon, and I usually agree. But this wasn’t about food. This was about rewarding myself with the beautifully methodical task to cook. This was about doing something beyond the standard plopping on the couch and watching TV. Like running, I rewarded myself with doing something I love. And it didn’t feel like I was rewarding myself with the food because I made sure it was within my points for the day. In fact, I avoided a lot of snacks and treats today because I knew that if I ate something I shouldn’t have, I wouldn’t have the points for steak! Then, I didn’t even finish the steak which is a whole other win in itself.

While we are all busy, it’s important to make time for yourself when you can. Try to reward yourself each day with something you and your body will love. It will have a ripple effect on the rest of your life.

What will you do to reward your body this week?

Well what do you know…

hard work does pay off!

So, like most weigh-ins, I really didn’t know how this was going to go. Recently, I’ve been having weird weigh-in dreams the night before. Last week’s dream involved eating pizza. And then I gained.
Coincidence? I think not.

My take on the scale this week was simple: it won’t tell the whole story. The scale wasn’t going to take into consideration my extra steps, my 64 Activity Points, or how I resisted potentially hazardous eating situations. It wouldn’t take developing awesome habits into consideration either, which was what this week was all about. A lower number would just be an added bonus.

Soooooooooo I LOST 5.2 FREAKIN’ POUNDS!!!!!!!

Which means…

I CAN OFFICIALLY SAY I’VE LOST 100 POUNDS AGAIN!

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I actually got on the scale twice to make sure that was right! Throughout the week, I could definitely feel and see that weight come off my body. My stomach is already starting to deflate and shirts are starting to fit a little better.

But I’m not out of the (Randy) woods by any stretch of the imagination.

Which brings me to my next point…

I can already tell I’m going to need some patience during this rebuilding phase
While some clothes fit better, some clothes still don’t fit at all…and that really bothers me. Earlier this week, I thought “OK…I ate well and worked out today. WHY DON’T I LOOK DIFFERENT ALREADY???” I had to talk myself off the ledge a little bit and remember that this is going to take a while. Eating well and exercise are the solution, but they’re not magic either. While I’m happy and uber proud of my weigh in this morning, I know it will be hard not to get frustrated when I lose half a pound. But I am, and always have been, in this for the long haul. I’ll just need a reminder of that in a few weeks. Regardless, I am ready to keep this healthy lifestyle up and the extra amount of work that it takes!

Speaking of extra amount…

I need to prioritize my goals with fitness
When it comes to exercise, I’m one that tends to take too much on all at once; which leads to me crashing and burning and not falling through with much. Aside from training for my first half marathon, that has been my issue most of my life. Instead of focusing on one or two things, I try to dabble. Which is where I kind of am right now.

When I trained for that first half, all I did was run. I didn’t cross train at all like I should have. I was already getting my cardiovascular health in a good place, why not the rest of my body? So as I begin to plan for half training which will most likely be in October for the Tallahassee Half and Enchanted 10k, both in February, I have been trying to figure out what I should do to torch some serious fat to make running easier on my body. There are so many things that I want to do and try, but I have to remind myself that I am only one guy. I can’t do everything right this minute.

Not to mention that whole have to make time for working, eating and paying bills, thing.

So right now, I really want to actually maintain a regular schedule of strength training at the gym. I have yet to do that during my weight loss journey. I have either been too nervous to work out in the Bro Den at the FSU gym, or I have just gotten bored with it. I know that I can get the results that I want by lifting because I did it in high school. I definitely wasn’t ripped, but I could set a new max every few weeks. I just haven’t tried to be disciplined with it. I’m thinking about signing up for a personal trainer at FSU and focusing strictly on strength training this semester. I know I would be more comfortable with that foundation too.

The other thing I’ve been wanting to try for a looooooong time is a kettlebell workout routine. I have used KBs a ton of different ways over the years and each time I fall in love all over again. They are like no other workout I have ever done. I also see and feel some killer results with them too. One thing I really want to do is the 90 day Daily Burn KB program (if you haven’t checked out Daily Burn, GO THERE NOW!!!!) because I could do it at home before or after work. A lot of the KB workouts require a strong core which I don’t have but want to gain.

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH SO MANY DECISIONS!!!!!

Well, regardless, my plan is to run on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays, and then hit the gym, wherever that may be, on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. There are about a 1,000 other classes and workouts that I want to try (spinning and Zumba, just to name a few), but I don’t know how or where they fit right now. During the year, I am considering just trying one class a week and then make Friday a makeup day. The issue is, FSU Campus Rec is just too awesome and has too much awesome stuff!!!!!

Soooooo that’s about it. Life is awesome. And I’m dang proud of this past week. This upcoming week will be a challenge because it’s essentially the first week back for FSU (or at least for faculty and staff anyway). Time to make awesomeness happen.

Here’s to an awesome week.
And remember…

the best is yet to come

The Art of Losing & Gaining Control of Your Life

It’s so funny when you have an idea for a post, but then don’t know how to weave it in to your blog and then fate helps you out…whether you like it or not.

You see, I had this idea for a post about how the app Timehop can inspire someone to appreciate how far they’ve come along in life. I’m not just talking about fitness either. I look back at some of my old posts and think “wow, I’ve come a long way in four years…” (Grad school, marriage and a big-boy job will do that to you I guess.) But when I looked at my photo from a year ago, I had a complete inverse reaction.

photo 1A year ago today, I weighed 225.8 pounds. Essentially my lowest weight. At that weight, I felt fit. I felt comfortable. I felt normal. When I got on the scale this morning, I weighed 261.8 pounds. I have roller coastered my way up 36 pounds. Now granted, I haven’t been this heavy for the whole time. In fact, I was down to the 233 in January. But with vacations, an inordinate amount of stress this summer, and high level of complacency, I am letting the rope slip out of my hands as I am watching it all fall apart in front of me. I feel sick about that number. For the first time in three years, I am out of the “century club”. I will have to lose at least 5 pounds until I can say I’ve lost 100 pounds again.

After I got off the scale, I went through the stages of grief, but I didn’t pout and sulk for too long. You see all summer I’ve been out of whack. My eating has been the best it has ever been (I can make an epic low point salad) and then it was Obese Nathan bad (thirds on desserts, anyone?) My exercising was great and then lethargically terrible. Frankly, this past year has been a season of feeling just lost emotionally, physically and spiritually for me and I hate it. I somehow lost my focal point amid my new job and everything else. And maybe that’s been it, I have just been too busy to lose weight. When I say that, I say it knowing good and well it’s because I’ve replaced that time with eating out and binge watching TV, not counting points and going on long runs.

Whew, now that I have that inner-dialogue therapy session all written out…

photo 3After I got off the scale, I took freakin’ control of my life. I had a sensible breakfast, went to church, and came home and organized my life. For the first time ever on my own, I made a meal plan for the week. I didn’t give myself any wiggle room. I know I have at least two variables in my week, but that is it. Then, I went to the grocery store and bought everything I needed for the week. Again, nothing extra. I always get caught up by extraneous purchases because usually they are carbtastic so I binge the crap out of them. So since I can recognize my triggers, I need to set myself up for success by just abstaining from chips and crackers and other stuff like that. Anyway, I got home and cleaned up the kitchen so I can’t use the ol’ “oh no, there are three dishes in the sink. The kitchen is too messy to cook. Time to order a pizza!” excuse. Then I just cleaned around the house so I would have control of my spaces, instead of feeling helpless in my own house (I’m going to do the same thing with my office tomorrow.) Even those simple actions reduced my stress enough for me to feel calm and relaxed.

photo 5So here’s the deal. I’m going to try something a little different this week. A loooooong time ago, I used to track and post my points on the blog everyday. While that was awesome and helpful, it definitely got stressful and tedious for me because sometimes a screen is the last thing you want to see when you get home. So here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to take a screenshot of my Weight Watchers app every day this week with my total points and post it to my Instagram account. It will help me actually track and it will hold me accountable to you, dear reader. Here is my tracker for today. For those of you tracking at home, I have modified my points down to 43 daily points because 55 is too many. When I made the transition from old to new, I went from 28 daily points to 54 so trust me, I’m not gaining because I’m not eating enough…

I kind of feel like I’m starting over again with this, but I really am. At the very beginning, I told myself that if I could pass the 6-week mark of tracking, then this would stick. Consider this week one. See ya on Instagram.

 

 

 

[GUEST POST] Doctor Who and Living a Healthy Life

Why yes, this post is ridiculously epic….
Hey kids! I’m taking a blog vacation for a few days so I have some of my favorite bloggers posting on the FFK blog!

When I was at Fitbloggin’ this year, I officially my blogging buddy Jill from the Year of the Phoenix! We both have quite the nerdy side, so when she told me about her guest post, I audibly squealed in my office at work. Definitely give her blog some love and like her on Facebook!

Take it away, Jill…

Hi everyone! My name is Jill and I write over at The Year of the Phoenix and I am so thrilled to be here guest posting for Nathan! As soon as I told him my topic idea he jumped at the chance, as I knew he would. This is actually a post that is part of my own archives but I wrote it over a year and a half ago and decided it was time for an update and this was the perfect opportunity since, like me, Nathan is also a big Doctor Who fan!

As my regular readers are aware, I like to do these Healthy Living Lessons From…posts, usually pulling from popular culture like Orange is the New Black and Pixar movies. Doctor Who is a British show about a time and space traveler known as The Doctor who travels in his TARDIS, fashioned after an iconic blue police telephone box. I started watching it a few years ago and was instantly hooked. The new season starts up soon and I AM SO EXCITED.

So! With that, let’s GERONIMO our way into the Doctor’s world.

Keep Your Companions By Your Side

By his nature, The Doctor is a rather singular character. All of his family and his entire species of Time Lords are gone. He’s the last one. He’s also 900 years old so he’s going to outlive every person he meets (and, being 900 years old he’s going to meet a lot of people). Personal connections are difficult and while different regenerations of The Doctor handle this personality quirk differently, the one thing he always knows is that he can’t do it alone. He needs assistance on his adventures and they come in the form of his companions: the men and women (mostly women) who travel with him in the TARDIS and help him save the world over and over and over again.

Likewise, it’s impossible to maintain a healthy lifestyle without support from friends and family. You need people you can go to when you’re struggling. People who will help you and motivate you to keep going. The other week I was having a bad body image day and I immediately reached out to my friend Kelly for support. Texting with her allowed me to figure out what had triggered it and gave me an opportunity to learn from it for the future. Without having my network, I would probably have just ended up wallowing which would have only made the bad body image worse.

You also need to know that your own personal companions aren’t going to sabotage your efforts, whether it’s intentional or unintentional. This means understanding that you may not be going out to eat as often or not drinking as much or that your workouts sometimes have to come before your social life. They not only need to know about these changes they have to support them. This means no guilt tripping you or encouraging you to eat something you know you shouldn’t under the guise of “just one won’t kill you” or any of that bullshit. If someone isn’t supportive of your healthy lifestyle then they aren’t supportive of you.

Takes a Lot Of Heart

Or, in The Doctor’s case, two hearts. (No. Really. He has two of them.)

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: this is not easy. As this saying goes, if it was easy than everyone would do it. And I’m not just talking about losing weight, be it 10 pounds or 135. I’m talking about balancing a healthy lifestyle. I’m talking about giving your diet an overhaul or building up a fitness routine. It takes passion and determination and motivation. You aren’t going to wake up one day and say I’m going to lose 100 pounds or I’m going to run a marathon and then expect it to magically happen. You have to work towards that goal. You have to put in the time and energy over and over and over again. You have to continually be putting in the effort. Because, truthfully, the race that is healthy living, there is no finish line.

Don’t Blink

Those stupid f*cking Weeping Angels, man. I don’t know about other Whovians, but as soon as I even just think about the Angels I start blinking uncontrollably.

Whatever healthy living change you are trying to make, don’t blink. Don’t take your eye off the ball. Be it losing weight or adding in new exercise routines or just eating better, don’t ever forget why you want the change to happen. I carry Before pictures around on my phone as a constant reminder of what I don’t want to be anymore. It’s not even just about not wanting to look like that but not wanting to weigh 311 pounds and having no energy, no life, no happiness. That is what keeps me motivated to keep going.

Bow Ties Are Cool

As are Converse sneakers. Or a striped scarf. It always sort of kills me whenever I read people (usually on stupid internet message boards) complaining about stores like Torrid because they see them as encouraging obesity, as if fat girls should be stuck wearing mumus for the rest of their life. As if forcing them to wear ugly clothes will someone force them to lose weight. I always want to yell You don’t really understand how this works, do you? Emotional eaters eat because they feel bad about themselves. They gain weight and need bigger clothes. If those bigger clothes make them look and feel like crap then they are going to continue to eat crap. So, in a way, you are encouraging obesity.

Look. Wear what you want to wear and stop worrying about the number on the tag. The clothing industry is ridiculous in that there is no sizing consistency across labels and brands. I can wear a 12 in one brand and in another it’s a 16. I could let it bother me but instead I buy whatever size makes me feel confident and happy. Trust me, people, wearing a particular size out of vanity isn’t going to do you any favors when the pants are so tight you are uncomfortable and everyone can see the muffin top.

Spoilers!

My absolute favorite Doctor Who character is River Song. The woman is a fucking bad ass and tends to wear femme fatale noir clothing. I mean, really: what isn’t there to love about River?

One of the coolest things about River is how we are introduced to her: in her very first episode, The Doctor has no idea who the hell she is but River knows all sorts of personal information about him. Including events in his life that haven’t even happened yet (side note: the relationship between River and The Doctor was partially inspired by The Time-Traveler’s Wife, one of my favorite books). River carries around this blue journal that looks a lot like the TARDIS and in it she has a whole history/future  of Doctor adventures only she refuses to tell him about any of it. Whenever someone mentions the journal she’ll just give that smile of her’s and say “Spoilers!”

We don’t know how our own stories are going to end. We don’t know what’s up ahead. We may lose more weight, we may gain it all back, or we may stay exactly where we are. There’s just no telling what life has in store for us, but that’s part of the beauty of the journey. When I first wrote this post back in March 2013 I had lost 135 pounds. Since then, thanks to life and stress and bad coping, I’ve regained 60 pounds, which I’ve always been completely honest and transparent about.

But that is soooooooo not what I saw coming for my future. But it is what it is and at this point I don’t know where I’ll be in another year and a half. Maybe I’ll be down, maybe I’ll be the same. But do you wanna know what else I didn’t see coming? The fact that I’m currently training for my third half marathon and this past Sunday I became a certified to teach spin classes. Oh yeah.

Yes, it’s scary not knowing and it would be so much easier if I could see in the future and know that twenty or thirty years down the road I’ll still be maintaining this weight and running more races and all of that. But I don’t know that and I won’t know until I get there. All I can really do is just take it one day at a time here in the present.


Bigger On the Inside

The Doctor travels in a time and space machine known as The TARDIS. It’s disguised as a big blue old-fashioned public telephone box. The running joke with the TARDIS is that it’s bigger on the inside. Like, way bigger. Swimming pool and multiple bedrooms and all sorts of timey-wimey wibbly-wobbly bigger.

We’ve all heard it before, that it’s what’s on the inside that counts, but in the case of the TARDIS it really is true. And it’s true for all of us, too. Because the TARDIS isn’t just a blue box and you are not just the number on the scale or your dress size. So never let any of those things define you or your sense of self. Eleven rocks his bow ties and Fez hats and doesn’t care what anyone thinks because he knows he has so much more to offer the world. Like, y’know, saving it.

There Will Always Be Daleks to Exterminate

No matter how many times The Doctor saves the world from the Daleks or Cybermen or whatever, they are always coming back for  another fight. Healthy living — and weight maintenance in particular — is very much the same thing, because it’s a constant battle. A battle with yourself to find the motivation to wake up early and workout. A battle at the grocery store or restaurant.

Maybe battle is the wrong word as it sounds too negative. My point is just that you have to be aggressive and get after it. You can’t get lazy and allow yourself to fall back on old habits or a false sense of security, because as soon as you do that’s when the threat returns. I learned that the hard way, but it’s okay because I feel armed with my electronic screwdriver and I’m ready to do battle again.

Can Always Regenerate

So The Doctor that will be gracing television screens across the world in a few weeks is the same character as the one who was in the original 1963 premiere. Because there is only one Doctor. There just happens to be different versions and incarnations of him. That’s why they are each given numbers. Like, say, the upcoming Twelve. It’s a unique feature of the Time Lord species that allows the dying or wounded Doctor to stay alive by transforming into a new body (which often also comes with a new personality). It’s how new actors are introduced into the role (and probably how it’s managed to stay on the air for 50 years without the lead jumping the shark).

For us this means that there is always an opportunity for reinvention. A chance to try again. So you  overeat at the family reunion this past weekend. Monday morning you get to wake up to a fresh day with new choices. So your most recent race time wasn’t the best. Sign up for another race and go for that PR. You fell while trying to do a headstand in yoga class. Shake it off and try again next week.

We are always a work in progress and have all the advantages and opportunities to constantly better ourselves. Don’t ever take that for granted

Day 23: Monday Stuff

Happy Memorial Day Everyone!

It felt awesome to actually count my points today. Was it easy? Not always. Was it a pain? Kind of. Will it be worth it in the long run? Yes, because I actually knew what I was putting into my body. When I don’t keep track, things can go south…like last night when I ate 500 calories worth of Corn Nuts because they were there. I didn’t record them so they didn’t count, right? WRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOONNNNNNNGGGGGGG SON! Like my blogging buddy Dani posted this morning with Weight Watchers, or any plan, we are responsible for it all! It might sound crazy, but that kind of crazy helped me lose over 100 pounds once upon a time!

So today, I got serious with it all. Thanks to the awesome WW app, I could check most of the food easily with the barcode scanner feature! I’ve never really talked about how much I love the app, BUT I’M A HUUUUUGE FAN! But I digress…let’s talk food!

IMG_3450Breakfast: I’ve always been a proponent of breakfast. Frankly, bacon is 90% of the reason why I wake up every morning (the other 10% is combination of my love for coffee and Megan). Anyway, this morning I made a delicious breakfast sandwich with three perfectly cooked slices of bacon (if I do say so myself. BTW, the key to cooking perfect bacon, in the words of Michael Bolton, is time, love and tenderness. Seriously, cook your bacon low and slow and then pat it down with a paper towel. You won’t regret it!) and two over easy eggs. Gotta love some yokey goodness! 10 points
IMG_3452 IMG_3464Activity: So since we had the day off, we decided to head out to FSU’s awesome outdoor facility called the Rez (yes, short for the Reservation) for some paddleboarding and kayaking, or that’s what we had planned for at least…So since I’m a staff member, it’s $10/hour to rent a paddleboard, which is super reasonable and I was willing to pay it.
Well, for some stupid reason, they only took cash. They use a computer system to check in and out equipment, but they don’t have the power to take debit. I wouldn’t have been so disappointed about it, but they didn’t mention that on their website. So since we had already paid to get in, we decided to play a round of frisbee golf out there which was actually a lot of fun! It was a relatively easy little 9 hole course through the woods. It ended up being a pretty awesome trip! I’ll just bring cash next time…;)

IMG_3458Lunch: For lunch, we just made some simple sandwiches and just relaxed around the house. 13 points

Snack: While we were watching Goldeneye (aka the inspiration for the best video game ever (yes, ever) created) I had some light brie from Trader Joe’s and some water crackers. It’s easily my favorite afternoon snack! Oh yeah, and I even weighed my brie to get an accurate amount. That’s a non-scale victory…kind of…I guess that uses a scale so I’m not sure if that counts….5 points

IMG_3466Dinner: So last week, Megan and I had some pretty big ideas about what we were going to cook today. We were thinking about smoking ribs, maybe grilling steaks, or something delicious and monstrous like that. No matter what we were going to make, it was going to be unhealthy and plentiful. Now, it’s no secret that we love cooking. It’s something that we love to do as a couple, but in this case, it was going to be a meal that was going to take up most of our day. When we were buying food for dinner tonight, I told Megan “I don’t want the rest of our day just to be about food.” That was a really big deal for me! I knew that eating healthy needed to be a priority for me today so I made it one! It felt good to put my health ahead of my tastebuds. Win one for the FFK!
Anyway, we had some Johnsonville brats with potatoes and sour cream. It was a delicious 21 points!

Today, I got to about 49 points out of my 48. Win!
So this week, I’m starting my Start to Fitness workout class again! I’m so flippin stoked. Between that and my new swimming regimen thrown in there, (oh yeah, when we were at the beach yesterday, I did some laps in the open gulf. That was awesome!) I can tell good things are on the horizon :). See ya tomorrow.

Day 22: Weigh In Day!

Hello kids!
photo 2I’m still reeling from a long day at the beach and an epic season finale (except back in my day, 7 episodes did not a season make…) so I’ll keep this brief!
This week, I started swimming and was overall pretty active. However, my eating wasn’t always the best. I started strong, but I let life get in the way and used it as an excuse to eat bad food. What I’m slowly learning is that you really can’t out-exercise bad eating. I’ve heard that for a long time, but I never really took it to heart. Now, I’m a firm believer and I’ve learned my lesson. With that being said, I lost 1.6 pounds this week! I’m still in the 250’s, which I am not thrilled about at all, but I’m slooooowly getting there! That’s the only way I can look at it to keep it going. Slow and steady right?

So, elephant in the room blog, I haven’t been posting my food like I said I would for a while. Well, that’s about to change…starting tomorrow! I am sick of being at this weight and I’M READY TO HIT MY FREAKIN’ GOAL!!!! Like I’ve said recently, I am the most active I’ve ever been and my eating is close to being on track. It’s time to get it all going and to treat my body the way it deserves to be treated. Get stoked for awesomeness. See ya tomorrow.

P.S. This is a cute kitten.
photo 1