The post where I need your help…

Posted on January 15, 2018 by theffkid

I have always been a fan of 90s Christian music. Steven Curtis Chapman’s Heaven in the Real World album to Jars of Clay’s self-titled album have formed not just my faith but my childhood. There’s something pure about that genre that reminds of a simpler time in my life. Now, I’m not going to get into escapism or its musicological ramifications (I’ll leave that to my wife…the one with the Ph.D. in the topic) but I’m sure a lot of us could dig up defining memories and tie it to a specific theme or medium, be it Darkwing Duck, Punky Brewster, sparkly parachute pants…you get the idea.

When I think about the FFK brand per se, I can pinpoint a portion of those defining moments, some of which are refreshed by reading my older posts. But unlike a has-been actor in my own digital life, I tend to forget just how amazing that part of my life was.

That said, I do remember this: This blog shaped me. It made me a better person. It literally transformed my life. And I’m ready to move on from this boring part of the Lifetime movie that is my life (starring James Van Der Beek in a fat suit as me) and move into the third act where I’m not [as] worried about my health and the size of my waist.

So at this point, I’m sure you are wondering “what does this have to do with anything? Why am I reading this? Isn’t the Wheel on?” Hang tight. I’m getting there.

(Fair warning, I kind of buried the lede in this post)

This March, I’m returning to Abilene Christian University to give a TED Talk at TEDxACU. While this is an absolute bucket item that I am incredibly stoked to cross off my list, I still am working what idea I have that is worth spreading. The title “Repetitive Forward Motion Keeps You Moving” harkens back to a defining moment when I was on a rough run while I was training for my first half marathon. While I think back to times like that and wonder what would have happened if I took my own advice and kept moving forward, I think even more about the context of those times and how I felt about myself.

So…here’s where the title of this particular posts enters in.

I wanted to avoid qualifying/apologizing for this request since it might sound self-serving. If you feel that it is, then just don’t respond ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. I want to hear why you read this blog. Why did/do you follow it? What was it about me or my weight loss journey that kept you reading? Not only do I want to know so I can keep creating content that you’ll enjoy, I want to remember why that was such a defining time. You can text, call, FB message, email or even comment in the box below. Let me know. And in the meantime, I’ll keep crafting my idea worth spreading.

Figuring it all out

Posted on January 5, 2018 by theffkid

“Why, hello. Haven’t seen you here in a while…”

I don’t know why I haven’t posted in so long. I’ve opened this blog page, tried to type, came up with some solid draft ideas, and then lost steam. I kept trying to come up with some epic post with Mark Morrison’s “Return of the Mac” blasting from the heavens as I return to my blogtastic glory.

But life doesn’t work that way.

The blog has been such an important part of the past almost decade of my life. Not only did it serve as the trailhead of my weight loss journey, it shaped my skills as a writer. I also hoped that it would help encourage others to become healthier. Not out of any selfish hope, but because I knew how much better my life was inside and out once I made that change in my own life.

“So…why did you stop blogging, Nathan?”

I think I stopped writing because I was ashamed of gaining some weight back. When I weighed 225, I dealt with some dark stuff. I hated how I looked. With a capital “h” hated. I felt like I was this rubber band that was stretching myself out to new links, but deep down I knew that I would snap back one day. And it did, but it could have been way worse.

Somehow, I think that stunted my weight-loss growth. I think instead of confronting some of those issues (you know…when you realize that you feel feelings that aren’t always happy) so I resorted back to food instead of confronting them.

What I’ve realized this week is that you really don’t truly grasp the concept of self-preservation until you’re 29 and a half. Whether you like it or not, you figure out that you have to watch out for yourself. Whether that’s your job, your friendships, or your health. I’ve pushed myself really hard in my late 20s and it took its toll on my health. I was really hard on myself. In fact, that has been on every job evaluation I’ve ever had. I wasn’t trying to be perfect, I was trying to do it all. Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad I did because I got to work on some amazing projects with some amazing people, but I’ve finally realized that it’s OK to take a step back.
Not every fight is my own.

“So…what now?”
Well, I am going to start writing again. I still wear the FFK moniker as a badge of honor. I love inspiring others. I feel that it’s what I am called even at a spiritual level. If every day of my life isn’t spent helping others, then what’s the point?

For years, I have pushed other people to embrace and promote the personal brand they want others to see. I haven’t been doing that. For the past three years, I’ve been this weight loss has-been. Now, it’s time to practice what I preach. It’s time to keep moving forward.

Day 2084 Wordless Wednesday-Memorial Day Weekend in Photos

Posted on June 1, 2016 by theffkid

This is where I get my endearing awkwardness.

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Day 2071 “My Arms are Tired” Edition

Posted on May 19, 2016 by theffkid

I lifted a lot today.
It’s hard to type. My arms are tired. The Rock is a jerk. I’ll explain in a minute.

Breakfast: I kept it simple (and ordinary) and had a waffle with peanut butter. 9 points

Lunch: I had to make a TJ’s run for work so I went ahead and picked up my favorite frozen meal…well…only second to Amy’s Enchilada Verde. SOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOD!!!!! Anyway, lunch was only 9 points. Yerm!

Pre-workout snack: I had a piece of Dave’s Killer Bread with peanut butter and raspberry spread. 7 points.

Yeah…I have some work to do.

Workout: The other night, Megan showed me this crazy blog where this guy named Mark C. Webster challenged himself to not only eat like The Rock but work out like The Rock for 30 days back in February. While The Rock’s meal plan is flat our koo koo bananas, his workout plan is pretty awesome! Tonight, I decided to start his workout plan. I’m not going to make a challenge out of it or anything but I think it’s a good way to kick start my weight lifting regimen. Tonight, I did his chest workout which was brutal. I did 30 minutes on the elliptical and then started to lift. I am pretty wiped. Anyway, my Underoath Pandora station got me through it. Thanks, band that got me through my teenage angst!

Dinner: Have I mentioned that my wife was a culinary magician? Tonight, Megan transformed a 39 cent box of mac n cheese into something that would make any hipster restaurant incredibly jealous. Thanks to the magic of Tillamook Cheddar, bacon, panko bread crumbs, pickled jalapenos, and love, Megan made one killer batch of mac n cheese. It was soul foodtastic. Yep, my wife is a stud. (Oh yeah, I had some pineapple juice too.) 31 points.

So today I had about 55 points. Not too shabby! Overall, I’m feeling pretty good about the week. I have surpassed my Fitbit goal every day so far and I’m drinking my share of water. It’s been kind of a hard week having this blog as my #framework has really kept me on track. See ya tomorrow.

Day 2069

Posted on May 17, 2016 by theffkid

Why, hello! Let’s get this going!

(Oh yeah, tomorrow is Wednesday. Get stoked for…wait for it…WORDLESS WEDNESDAY!!!!)

Breakfast: Waffles and peanut butter. Nothing new. 12 points.
Lunch: Today was day of our photo shoot at work so I took the photographer to our college’s cafe. Now, the College Cafe at Edmonds is not your average, run of the mill, World Famous Bean. No sir, our cafe has table service and everything is made by our students! I had the pesto pasta with seared shrimp and red peppers. It was magical! I had one of their delicious chocolate chip cookies for dessert. YERM!
24 points

#POWERSTANCE

Exercise: After work, Megan and I went for a walk around Greenlake, the best walking trail in Seattle! The weather was perfect and the puppies were plentiful. We even saw a few ducklings! Nothing like a long walk with your boo after a long day/week/month/year.

Dinner: Since we were down in the area, we stopped by Shelter for dinner. And no, not a homeless shelter. Far from it. Shelter is this super trendy restaurant with massive windows and a spectacular view of the lake. I went with with the fried tofu wanton tacos with cilantro slaw. Megan and I split an order of their avocado fires which are just as indulgent as they sound. Dinner was about 20 points. Give or take a few points.

So today I had about 56 points which wasn’t too shabby! While I only have 10 weekly points left (not counting my activity points which are still a thing…I think?) I am learning something new about my eating decisions and why I pick certain foods and how much. It’s only the third day in but I’m feeling great. See ya tomorrow.

Day 2068 Meowtastic Monday

Posted on May 16, 2016 by theffkid

Before I get started thank everyone for your love and support over the past 24 hours. I have the best readers on the interwebs. You all rock! Now, back to your regularly scheduled blogginess.

Breakfast: Peanut butter and two waffles. Keeping it simple. When I got home from work, I had another waffle and a little peanut butter which is a pretty big win on its own. I still have issues with post-work eating. It’s hard not to eat all the things before dinner.
14 points

Lunch: Today was the first of a two-day photo shoot with a professional photographer on campus. We trapezed across campus and took photos of hundreds of students (trust me, I have all the waivers to prove it.) Anyway, as I’ve mentioned before, Edmonds Community College has an amazing culinary program which means our campus grill is fantastic! I ordered a cheeseburger with fries. Everything is was made in-house down to the bun. Go Tritons! 19 points

Workout: After work, I had a date with Senorita Elliptical and it was magical…and by magical I mean painful but awesome. When I was done, I had three Starbursts which was 3 points.

Dinner: Tonight, we had an FFK classic: UNCLE JIM’S CHILI!!!!!! Nothing like an amazing bowl of yuminess to finish the day. 20 points.

Dessert: Megan and I are desperately missing Disney so we made pineapple ice cream float in our favorite Disney cups. I went with my zombie cup from Trader Sam’s. GAAAAAHHHH I miss Disney. 10 points.

(FFK 101: If you’re new to the FFK, 90% of this blog of me taking weird selfies. This is my reality. Enjoy.)

Anyway, I had 66 points which is a lot but didn’t feel like a lot. If anything, I think that’s telling about how much I’ve been eating sans counting. The past two days have already been a pretty big eye opener in the best way possible. It feels good to have my life back on track. See ya tomorrow.

Day 2067

Posted on May 15, 2016 by theffkid

Sooooooooooo….yeah.

I’m not going to act like I haven’t posted in four months. I’ve wanted to blog about all the things from Game of Thrones to eating to the Biggest Loser study to how I have struggled with this whole plate spinning adventure that is my life. While living in Seattle has been a hard adjustment at times, it has provided me with some amazing opportunities in other parts of my life which has made it all worth it. But now that the honeymoon is over, (well, whatever honeymoon comes after a hellacious six-day trek across the country anyway) I am ready to get back this part of my identity. I miss being the FFK. I miss my fitness tribe. I miss losing weight. It’s time to get that part of my life back. So, why now start from the very beginning? It’s a very good place to start!

Weigh in: So I’m not going to sugar coat it…I gained 5.4 pounds the week before last. Spring is a crazy time in higher education which leads to a lot of stress eating. Last week, while I still didn’t eat super well, I made smart decisions and drank a lot more water. Plus I had some more time to reflect on my life which really helped my stress levels. I lost a pound this week which was awesome! I’m ready to get the rest of that gain off!

(To avoid any confusion, I am not in the 220’s like this photo that recently circulated around the interwebs. I’m not there…yet. I weighed in at 263.6 this morning. That’s still a 93.4 lb loss for those playing at home. So yeah, I’ve still kept that much off since 2011. That’s an amazing win on its own! Anyway, where was I? I’ve missed these parenthetical rants.)

Breakfast: Megan made this delicious crustless quiche with asparagus, mushrooms and gruyere. It was only 16 points.

Lunch: This afternoon, Megan and I went to the Starbucks Roastery for some Serious Pies. Yes, the Roastery is so epic that is has its own Tom Douglas restaurant in it. While we usually get our own pizzas, we decided to share one and got a salad too. We split this insanely scrumptious oil-based wood fire pizza with smoked mozzarella, garlic, chive blossoms and this some cured pork that I can only describe as Bacon’s hipster cousin. Half the pie was about 15 points.

Snack: My coworker brought me a few bags of ketchup chips from his recent trip to Canada. Sooooo good, eh? I weighed out a few grams to make sure I was eating an actual half serving. They tasted like childhood. And ketchup. 4 points for a half serving.

After some serious spring cleaning, I had a 4 point piece of Dave’s Killer Bread and 2 points of peanut butter.

We also went to the Lake Forest Park farmer’s market and I had a kona coffee popsicle from the Seattle Pops stand. It was about 5 points. (There was supposed to be a selfie of me and an alpaca here but it won’t upload properly. I’ll post it to Instagram. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that there was an alpaca at the farmer’s market. Because…Seattle.)

Check out my strong neckbeard game. And my strong fat neck game.

Dinner: Last night, we made some halibut fish tacos with this cabbage slaw with cilantro, lime and purple onion. Since we still had some slaw left, we made them again! Halibut is not only in season right now, it’s only one point for three ounces. Score! We lightly breaded the fillets with flour, egg and panko. Add some avocado and sour cream? Money. Anyway, four tacos was 21 points. Not too shabby!

So today I ate about 63 points which is over my 52 point daily allowance. I dipped into my weekly points which was definitely worth it.

Well, there it is. More to come. See ya tomorrow.

The FFK is on the Move

Posted on July 17, 2015 by theffkid

So I realized that I haven’t talked about it here on the ol’ bloggy blog, but I have a pretty epic announcement!

WE ARE MOVING TO SEATTLE!!!!

Space Needle not to scale to human person.

A few weeks ago, I was offered the marketing manager position at Edmonds Community College in Lynnwood, Washington! My first day is August 3rd and we are moving next Friday. (Yes…as in seven days from today. Holy Moses.) Ever since our wedding day, we have wanted to move to Seattle. It’s been a dream of ours for so long and now that it’s finally here, I still haven’t completely processed that it’s actually happening. It will probably hit me when we’re driving through Colorado or something.

It’s weird because while I am still in pseudo-disbelief, I’m doing everything I can to remain present in this moment. My time in Tallahassee has been so pivotal both as a professional and as someone who dramatically changed his life by losing more than 100 pounds. It didn’t, but a lot of times it feels like my life began in Tallahassee. It’s when I took on this new identity of a fitness blogger who runs half marathons and names his kettlebell. Over the past week, I’ve passed certain parts of campus and I think back to these key moments in my life and all I want to do is write about it. But I’m pretty sure that would just end up with me bawling on my computer which is not good.

It’s also weird because it feels like Megan and I have been in Tallahassee over three acts: Act One) Graduate School
Act Two) Working at Admissions
Act Three) Working at the Center
While we have had some of the same close friends over the past five years, we have also been close with others who have come and gone. Specifically my close friends in grad school and from our church when we first moved here. That cast in Act One were there from the very beginning of my weight loss. They watched me slowly shrink into a completely different person and supported me the whole way through. I can’t thank them enough. I couldn’t have done it without them. But Act One feels so far away now. Since then, I feel like I’ve gone through all these other incarnations with other awesome supporters along the way.

I am starting another Act One next week. A new chapter in my life where people don’t know my story and that I wore a size 60 suit to my wedding. It’s a fresh start and that’s kind of refreshing. For a long time, I thought about taking the “1” off my weight loss number to see if that would motivate me to lose more weight. It was easy to get complacent when I could say “I’ve lost 130 pounds.” But I knew that wasn’t possible if I was in the same place where I weighed 357 pounds. While that first 100 pounds is still a part of my identity, I can now think of my current weight as my starting point. Recently, my feelings about my weight are very similar to how I felt when I first started: I know I need to lose weight or it could get ugly fast. So this new phase is kind of like American Horror Stories or True Detective: it’s different characters with the same theme under the same title. Either way, I’m incredibly excited for this new adventure and what it means for my journey up Mt. Fitintoskinnyjeans. See you soon.

Introducing #FFKFitby30

Posted on June 28, 2015 by theffkid

For the past few weeks, Megan and I have binged watched the entire series of Game of Thrones. You know, that show with the dragons, ice zombies and Peter Dinklage. The show is simply amazing and I can’t believe it took me this long to finally watch it. Anyway, while we were watching the fifth season the other night, I thought to myself “wow, I wonder how old Kit Harington (John Snow) is. He must be like…37 or something.” So, like any good TV consumer, I went to IMDB to look for his age. Aaaaaaaand he’s 18 days older than me. That means we graduated high school at the same time, we were in awkward puberty at the same time and we probably secretly even loved Nickelback at the same time. When I told Megan, all she could say was “we’re old.”

While this might mean that I’m just not good at guessing the ages of people, it just reaffirms my false belief that I’m younger that I actually am. (At this point, I’m waiting for some red head to come up to me and say “you know nothing, Nathan MacDonald.”) The reality is that I am an adult and life his happening right now. This all kind of came to a head when I realized that as of June 13th, I am a year and a half away from turning 30. My twenties are almost gone. And I’m kind of sad about it.

At this point, I know you’re ready to comment with a remark like “ummmmm…you’re not that old. Stop whining!” or something like “dude! 30 is the new 15!” But for me, it’s more than that! I’m seeing that 3 number as a finish line for goals that I set nearly a decade ago. (Yes, the FFK is turning 5 years old this year.) I need to think of my journey in those terms so I mentally keep going. More importantly, I need to breath new life into this journey.

With that, I would like to introduce you to #FFKFitby30.

Below is a manageable list of goals that I will conquer before January 13th, 2017 (you know…when I turn 30). Some are serious, some are silly, and others are just plain cool. My plan is once I complete one goal, I will add another! So here we go!

Exercise for 30 minutes four times a week.
Complete a marathon
Run a race every month
Do a pull up (yes, one pull up. I can do a tenth of one right now…)
Weigh in below 200 pounds (199.8 lbs totally counts!)
Get certified in a fitness program like TRX of kettlebells
Track my food six times a week

So seven reasonable goals that all benefit one another in some way! I’m going to start tracking food tomorrow in a food journal on my phone and Megan and I also started Insanity Max 30 (check it out! It’s awesome!) last week! I’m ready to begin this journey to 30 and using these goals as my map!

Here. We. Go.

Why I’ve Gained 30 Pounds

Posted on May 12, 2015 by theffkid

I’m having a rough night and I need to talk about it.
#realtalkwiththeFFK

For the past two years, I have slowly gained 30 pounds back from my lowest weight of about 225 pounds. Want to hear the weirdest part? I didn’t know why until tonight.

So yes, two years ago I did start a new job and I thought that was why for a long time. But today, I finally realized what happened that first week of work that created this mess.

Dear reader, it’s weird…

Here we go…
In my office at work, I have two screens: my MacBook Pro laptop screen and my 24″ Apple monitor which is perfect for Photoshop and other design programs. A few weeks in to my new job, I turned off the monitor and I saw myself, my 225 pound self, in the screen. Then a voice that was essentially non-existent in my life, or at least one that had been silent for years, popped into my brain. “Holy crap! You are still fat! You know that, right?” It was like years of suppressed negativity crashed through my mental fortress of positivity. At that moment, I stopped loving myself. From that moment on, I saw a fat version of myself in that screen and any other reflective surface for that matter. I even saw it today and told myself the same thing. It felt like after that day, instead of working harder in the gym (which still wasn’t the right answer), I ate my feelings and essentially lost any amount of self-control I had.

I know this doesn’t make any sense. Please don’t try to explain how the image I see in the screen is a refraction so it’s larger. I knew that then and I know that now. Sadly, none of that matters to the part of my brain that controls my self image. All it sees is a fat Nathan. I think the reality of it is that I hadn’t confronted a lot of the serious body image issues I had dealt with all my life. I guess I kept them in check by losing weight and exercising. Eventually, those successes wore off and my guard was down. This is a lot of the reason why I’ve been silent on the blog for the past few years. I haven’t valued ~~my success~~ myself the way I should.

So now what? Now that I’ve figured out this possible root cause, how do I make this gain just a slight detour in my life? To be honest, I’m not too sure. I do, however, feel like a small proverbial weight has been lifted off my chest. I know it will take time to lose those 105,000 calories, but I’m ready to get back in the right direction.

More importantly though, I’m ready to love myself again.