The Art of Losing & Gaining Control of Your Life

Posted on August 10, 2014 by theffkid

It’s so funny when you have an idea for a post, but then don’t know how to weave it in to your blog and then fate helps you out…whether you like it or not.

You see, I had this idea for a post about how the app Timehop can inspire someone to appreciate how far they’ve come along in life. I’m not just talking about fitness either. I look back at some of my old posts and think “wow, I’ve come a long way in four years…” (Grad school, marriage and a big-boy job will do that to you I guess.) But when I looked at my photo from a year ago, I had a complete inverse reaction.

A year ago today, I weighed 225.8 pounds. Essentially my lowest weight. At that weight, I felt fit. I felt comfortable. I felt normal. When I got on the scale this morning, I weighed 261.8 pounds. I have roller coastered my way up 36 pounds. Now granted, I haven’t been this heavy for the whole time. In fact, I was down to the 233 in January. But with vacations, an inordinate amount of stress this summer, and high level of complacency, I am letting the rope slip out of my hands as I am watching it all fall apart in front of me. I feel sick about that number. For the first time in three years, I am out of the “century club”. I will have to lose at least 5 pounds until I can say I’ve lost 100 pounds again.

After I got off the scale, I went through the stages of grief, but I didn’t pout and sulk for too long. You see all summer I’ve been out of whack. My eating has been the best it has ever been (I can make an epic low point salad) and then it was Obese Nathan bad (thirds on desserts, anyone?) My exercising was great and then lethargically terrible. Frankly, this past year has been a season of feeling just lost emotionally, physically and spiritually for me and I hate it. I somehow lost my focal point amid my new job and everything else. And maybe that’s been it, I have just been too busy to lose weight. When I say that, I say it knowing good and well it’s because I’ve replaced that time with eating out and binge watching TV, not counting points and going on long runs.

Whew, now that I have that inner-dialogue therapy session all written out…

After I got off the scale, I took freakin’ control of my life. I had a sensible breakfast, went to church, and came home and organized my life. For the first time ever on my own, I made a meal plan for the week. I didn’t give myself any wiggle room. I know I have at least two variables in my week, but that is it. Then, I went to the grocery store and bought everything I needed for the week. Again, nothing extra. I always get caught up by extraneous purchases because usually they are carbtastic so I binge the crap out of them. So since I can recognize my triggers, I need to set myself up for success by just abstaining from chips and crackers and other stuff like that. Anyway, I got home and cleaned up the kitchen so I can’t use the ol’ “oh no, there are three dishes in the sink. The kitchen is too messy to cook. Time to order a pizza!” excuse. Then I just cleaned around the house so I would have control of my spaces, instead of feeling helpless in my own house (I’m going to do the same thing with my office tomorrow.) Even those simple actions reduced my stress enough for me to feel calm and relaxed.

So here’s the deal. I’m going to try something a little different this week. A loooooong time ago, I used to track and post my points on the blog everyday. While that was awesome and helpful, it definitely got stressful and tedious for me because sometimes a screen is the last thing you want to see when you get home. So here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to take a screenshot of my Weight Watchers app every day this week with my total points and post it to my Instagram account. It will help me actually track and it will hold me accountable to you, dear reader. Here is my tracker for today. For those of you tracking at home, I have modified my points down to 43 daily points because 55 is too many. When I made the transition from old to new, I went from 28 daily points to 54 so trust me, I’m not gaining because I’m not eating enough…

I kind of feel like I’m starting over again with this, but I really am. At the very beginning, I told myself that if I could pass the 6-week mark of tracking, then this would stick. Consider this week one. See ya on Instagram.

Wordless Wednesday Trip Edition

Posted on July 9, 2014 by theffkid

Post-Flight Reflections

Posted on July 6, 2014 by theffkid

I hopped on a plane at LAX with a dream and my cardigan…(wait, wrong post).

Ever since Saturday’s challenge session about life at your goal weight at Fitbloggin, I’ve thought a lot about how our identities transition over the course of our weight loss journey. Roni Noone, who has been at goal for a few years and has done everything from Crossfit competitions to writing a children’s book in her “after” stage, talked a lot about how you move on from losing weight but you keep that identity because that is season is still a part of you life.

For a while, I have beaten myself up about not really making any progress over the past couple of years. While I have maintained a 100 pound weight loss for close to three years now, I have improved my life in other ways, some of which were not physical.

You see, weighing 357 pounds carries a lot of emotional baggage as well. I wasn’t confident (I was, but it was all a ruse. It’s nothing like the real self-confidence I now have…oh crap, I’m about to cry while typing this on the plane…) and I felt like everyone was judging me one way or another. If it wasn’t because of the weird things I said/yelled, it was just the very fact that this lumbering gentleman was in their personal space.

This was always the case when I would fly.

From 2004 to 2010, I would not use a seat belt on an airplane because I needed a seat belt extender. I would only use it if they asked me if I would like to us one. It my twisted view, I didn’t really see the merit in a seat belt. If we were going down, we were going down. There wasn’t any amount of turbulence that was going to move this mountain of fast food.

When I got on the plane on Thursday, not only did I not need a belt extender, I didn’t feel like I was spilling over in to the seat next to me. What’s even more awesome about it is that I don’t worry about that stuff anymore, nor have I for the past four years. It’s crazy how much sanity just feeling normal creates for your psyche.

Regardless of the actual number on the scale (which we all track down to the ounce) I have still done some amazing things for my health during this season of my life. Not only have I added years of health to my life, I have reduced numerous layers of social stress that I used to deal which included everything from worrying that I was eating too much in front of my friends and family to the guilt of having one of my many rolls intruding on to the person sitting next to me.

My challenge to is to celebrate those victories along your journey as well. Be proud of yourself and enjoy this new life of awesomeness!

Freedom is Delicious!

Posted on July 4, 2014 by theffkid

Happy Independence Day everyone!
If don’t live in the US, have a wonderful, firework-less Friday!!!

My Travelling Haiku

Posted on July 3, 2014 by theffkid

Texas here I come
Time for all the Barbecue
Smart potion control

My Top 5 Takeaways From Fitbloggin’

Posted on July 2, 2014 by theffkid

Oh man…so much to say…along with so many feels and ideas and challenges and thoughts and other awesome stuff.

So this past weekend, I finally got to do something that I’ve wanted to do for the past four years: attend Fitbloggin’. Even though I haven’t been able to go for one reason or another in the past, I have never really pushed to make it happen because I didn’t feel like I belonged. I mean, only blogging juggernauts who make it rain off their AdSense payouts attend blogging conferences, right? So for years, I have been fighting off that feeling, only to find out that I was the only one holding myself back.

I’ll never forget walking into the conference and having some of my favorite bloggers like DubyaWife and Alan from Sweating Until Happy come and give me a hug and then meeting some of the bloggers that I have followed ever since the beginning of my journey like Robbie from Fatgirl Vs. the World, Brooke from Brooke Not On A Diet and Kelly from Curvy Fit Girl. It was this beautifully weird sensation of embracing people that I’ve never met in person but I’ve known for the entire part of this new life. Simply put, Fitbloggin’ truly is the cat’s pajamas. (No, there was no feline nightwear involved at Fitbloggin.)

So without further adieu, I present…

My Top 5 Takeaways From Fitbloggin’

1. If You’ve Been to Savannah, You’ve Stood on a Dead Person.

Photo Credit: carriedphotography

Half of the fun of Fitbloggin’ was being in the swashbucklin’, old south, and gorgeous city of Savannah, Georgia. Being originally from Texas, it is rare to be in a place with such beautiful 18th century architecture and being in a space that was a part of the original 13 colonies.

But with that kind of historical impact comes a lot of dead people. Lots of dead people (the kid from the Sixth Sense’s head would have probably exploded if he had lived in Savannah. Which is kind of funny since Haley Joe Osment was the little kid in Forrest Gump and he lived in Savannah. Weird…)

Anyway, so due to building over old cemeteries with urban sprawl and some rampant pandemics of yellow fever, a lot of today’s Savannah is built on stacks of dead people. Then there were the scores of poor souls that never made it into the city from Fort Jackson, the gateway into America, thanks to a red light district that was actually a front for a SAWS-like Thunderdome of mutilation that even turned sick people into chum for fishing boats (insert obsolete HMO joke here). I know all of this thanks to the AWESOME ghost tour we went on the first night. Yes, we rode in hearses and no, we didn’t see any ghosts, put others did!

2. I Flippin’ Love Zumba!

DubyaWife and me about to party like it’s 1985.

You all know how much I love to try new workouts! Well, I finally got to do one that I’ve wanted to do for a long time: ZUMBA! One of the sessions this year was a Zumba class with an 80’s flare! There were fluorescent legwarmers and side ponytails (along with Monica from Run Bang Run‘s AWESOME Jaws shirt) as far as the eye could see. I really didn’t know what to expect, but I did expect that I would be very uncoordinated and fall down numerous times. I surprised myself and made it through the whole class without completely embarrassing myself :). The energy in the class was amazing and the sweat was abundant. It felt nice to do a class and just work out and not care about how ridiculous I (most likely) looked. While I love working out at FSU, it really is weird being the only guy (and an older and awkwardly shaped guy at that) in a class of pretty fit folks. I tend to get pretty uncomfortable so it was awesome to just let loose and shake it like a salt shaker!

From that class, which was awesomely taught by Simplifying Sam, Mrs. Fatass and a few other instructors, I realized that I really want to get certified and teach something, whether it be Zumba, Tabata, spinning, or really anything. I want to motivate people and burn some calories while doing it! I think I would do really well with people who are just starting on their journey too!

3. The Number on the Scale Isn’t Everything, but Living Your Life is

One of my favorite sessions was about what is like after you reach your goal weight, which was led by my buddy Kelly, but it also had some weight loss rock stars like THE Roni Noone and Sarah, who has lost 200 pounds! The session quickly turned into a call for a paradigm shift on how we view the “after” stage of weight loss. Sure, there is a honeymoon stage, but life doesn’t end there. It’s as if you take on a new identity. Thinking about it now, I definitely feel like I already have a new identity from the life I used to have. I used to be the person that was going to die early and was close to becoming immobile and now I’m the active half marathoner who has shed more than 100 pounds off of his body. With that being said, I am ready to reach my goal of getting to a healthy weight. Which means I’m not chained to the scale like it’s the Biggest Loser or something like that. The true end goal is to be healthy. And I’m absolutely on the right track.

4. Bloggers Are Even Cooler In Real Life

Seriously, can we all run together all the time now?

I have to admit that I do tend to have some issues with hero worship which can sometimes lead to becoming very disappointed after meeting said hero. Like the time I met the bands Relient K and OC Supertones.

Both bands were kind of jerks. And it made me sad.

So really, I didn’t know how Fitbloggin’ was going to go in that regard. We all have our online personas that sometimes contradict our real selfs. Well, that wasn’t the case at all! I know that sounds kind of weird, but what I’m saying is that I met some of the most genuine, sweet, and awesome people who are dealing with the same issues I am dealing with. Really, my favorite part of the whole conference was running a 5k through Savannah with some awesome people! Like Zumba, it was fun to just let loose and be silly and not have anyone judge how good or bad you are doing. Especially when you decide to yell “WE’RE FAMOUS ON THE INTERNET!!!” at innocent bystanders and they don’t think you’re a jerk, just an awesome weirdo like the rest of them!

and finally…

5. Some of the Best Takeaways Happen After You Leave Fitbloggin’

As we were driving back to Tallahassee from Savannah, I was mentally gleaning through the weekend and trying to pinpoint the definitive takeaways. I left unsure about how I truly felt about my weight loss progress. A while back, I made the declaration to lose 75 pounds by next June, and I was trying to decide whether or not that was a good idea. In one of the sessions, DubyaWife talked about how she needed a goal in order to get laser focused with her weight loss and that definitely resonated with me. Like her, I need that attainable goal to use as a framework for my actions.

When it came time to dinner, we threw dietary caution into the wind and went to Cracker Barrel. All I wanted was a giant plate of chicken n’ dumplings, macaroni n’ cheese, mashed potatoes with gravy, and green beans. Almost immediately after I ordered, I panicked. “WHAT DID I JUST DO???” I thought. “I’M COMPLETELY UNDOING EVERYTHING I’VE LEARNED THIS WEEKEND!!!” Like I was in some weird time vortex, I could forsee the consequences of my actions: overeating, feeling sick, getting angry. Then the food came and I ate. But halfway through my meal, I was full. Usually, I just suck it up and keep eating. But this time was different. I told my body that I was done. It was like the fork in my hand had some electromagnetic connection to the rest of the food, but I resisted. It physically hurt to not eat the rest of my food. Finally, the server walked by and I told her that I was done. And then I sat there and started to tear up. This was the first time I have stood up to food in years and it has set the tone for the rest of my week and really my life. I feel like that I will look back at the time I stood up to food at a Cracker Barrel in Jacksonville, Florida as a pivotal moment in my weight loss journey. That it was the moment where the finish line to this race was finally in sight. That is, and will always will be, the biggest takeaway from Fitbloggin’ 2014.

How to Spend the First 10 Minutes of Your Day

Posted on June 19, 2014 by theffkid

This applies to my life on about 8 million levels. Time to start planning.

Day 45: Wordless Wednesday!

Posted on June 18, 2014 by theffkid

Day 45

Posted on June 17, 2014 by theffkid

This is me. I’m getting there…

So let’s get this going!

Breakfat: I made my delicious morning concoction of old-fashioned oats with creamy peanut butter and brown sugar. Holy Moses that was delicious. 8 points.

Lunch: I had another delicious concoction of chicken, curry, and Greek yogurt. I put it between some of the epic bread Megan made last week. Much yumtastic. I had a few marshmallows for dessert. 20 points.

For a snack. I had a bag of snow peas. Only 1 point!

Dinner: After a long walk around the neighborhood, Megan made this spring stir fry chicken with snap peas, red peppers and onions from Skinnytaste. Definitely check it out! It was awesome! 12 points.

So it was a pretty good day! I feel like I’m making some great progress. Time to keep it going! See ya tomorrow.

Day 44

Posted on June 16, 2014 by theffkid

Hello!
Since yesterday was full of mixed emotions thanks to a gain and eating within my points, I was ready to keep the momentum going while improving on from last week. Weight loss definitely has its share of Pyrrhic victories where you lose a lot of battles, but eventually win the war. Either way, I am feeling good about today! Let’s break it down, shall we?

Oh yeah…Go Spurs.

Breakfast:I had Bacon and eggs with some bread that Megan made this weekend. (She makes some killer bread. Our house smelled delicious this weekend.) 10 points

Lunch:I had some leftover spaghetti that was ridiculously delicious. For dessert, I had some Trader Joe’s Frozen Greek Yogurt. It was pretty good, but it’s a little too tangy for me. I would add some honey and strawberries next time. 17 points

Exercise:Today was Start 2 Fitness workout day! (Shoutout to my Team MoWe peeps!) The first half of the hour, we did circuit training and weight machines, and then we did an endurance run on the track. During the step up station, our trainers encouraged us to hold weights while we stepped up. I picked a 40 pound kettlebell because that pretty much meant I was stepping up almost 300 pounds. It made me appreciate how far I’ve come and where I could be without that much weight attached to me. I’m really ready to get this extra weight off, folks.

Dinner:When I got home, I had a piece of bread (3 points) and a serving and a half of this delicious dish called Mujaddara. Nothing better than lentils, rice and caramelized onions. 14 points.